Brandy's Journey to Becoming a Teacher

It's Time to Celebrate the Successes!

2011-02-23T09:23:00.001-05:00

Just the other day (really...about two days ago) I resolved a debt on one of the credit cards I have, and was able to completely pay it off. I owed this credit card $7,560 and ended up paying them $3,024. Although it seems really cool that I was able to pay it off, and only give them less than half of what I owed, I still feel bogged down.

As I was showering this morning, I had started to think about the other two credit cards I have, and how much I owe on them. I haven't given those credit cards any money since August, and I want to. I just can't. Plain and simple. But then, when I think about it some more, I start to get angry with myself for not celebrating the fact that I have just erased $7,560 off my total debt load.

THAT'S HUGE!

I need to chill out and stop thinking about the other thousands that I owe, and celebrate that I no longer have one full credit card! I should be rejoicing, and dancing around my apartment. I should be taking Dorothy for long, worry-free walks. I should be doing something!

What I really need to be doing is making myself a budget. I have a bunch of money because UNCW's financial aid finally pulled through and has helped me obtain a bunch of money that will help me throughout my internship. Now, I just because I have more money in my bank account now than I ever thought I would ever, doesn't mean I'm going out to do some frivolous spending. I have treated myself to a bagel and a white chocolate mocha here and there, but that is only when I feel I have done something worthy enough to have one (like passing the PRAXIS test with flying colors!). I need to sit down, and create a budget. Figuring out how much money I need a month, and see if I have any money left over so I can start chipping away at those other credit cards. Because then, and only then, will I truly start to have a worry-free day.

But, for the mean time, I'm going to try to not worry. I have some extra time this afternoon between my internship seminar and work that I should be able to sit down, and figure everything out. Once and for all.

It's time to celebrate!

Life as I know it...

2010-11-02T14:48:00.002-04:00

...is busy, busy, busy!

With only 4 weeks left of the semester, I am starting to feel the wrath of projects and major papers. It stinks, but you got to go what you've got to go do graduate. Luckily, there are only 4 more weeks left of projects and papers. Next semester, I won't be obligated to do the kind of work that I am required to do this semester. The work that i will be doing next semester is finally RELEVANT to what I will be doing, and I can't even explain to you how excited I am to get to this stage in my life.

As graduation gets closer, my feelings of wanting to be a real adult get stronger. I want to get out of debt, have a real job, live with my boyfriend, and stop living in the constant feeling of being in limbo. With the holidays coming up, and seeing all of the decorations and all of the fancy home cookbooks and magazines with the sweet recipes in them, I can't wait to have my own home and the time to decorate and to cook holiday themed dishes!

Jason and I are still doing very well. We've been together for 7 months now, and the only thing that would make me happier in the relationship is living with him. We definitely are not ready for that big step, but it would be nice to come home to him every night, and cook dinner with him more than twice a week. He says that he feels the same way, but we both have agreed that living together will not be an option for a while. I have a very messy financial situation to clean up before we even start to think about living together, and he feels he still needs space. Which is good. The fact that we don't see each other every night and that we have time to miss each other is important this early in the relationship. I've known way too many people that don't take time for themselves and surround themselves with their loved one so much that they become so dependent on that person that when that person isn't around, they can't function correctly. I know that for some, they want that kind of relationship....but not us. Jason and I love that we are our own separate beings.

Another totally awesome thing about Jason is that he introduced me to his church. I've never really been a religious person. I was baptized Catholic, and I went to Catholic church off and on since I was in 8th grade, but I never really felt anything. But one day, Jason asked me if I would like to go to church with him, and I went, and it's awesome. It's a nondenominational community church, and I feel more at home there than I have anywhere else in Wilmington. Since I have started attending this church, I've started to explore my faith a little more and I've dove into the Bible a little bit and I'm realizing that although I will never ever be one of 'THOSE' Christians, I still believe in Jesus, and I know that He loves me. It's been an awesome experience thus far, and I'm excited to see where this leads.

Work is awesome. I love it...most days. There are days when I don't feel like working all day Saturday, or even for a couple of hours on Sunday, but I have to do it. My school schedule doesn't allow me to work very much during the school week and I need to work in order to pay the bills that I can pay. I am gaining a lot of experience while working with these kids, and I'm developing skills that I know will help me in my classroom (when I get one!).

I know I haven't updated this blog in a long time. i have just been so busy, and honestly, I don't even think about updating. I feel like I have nothing to write about, and for a long time...I wasn't doing anything but complaining and that was not helping me. I'm going to try to continue to update more regularly, but I am only going to write about positive things. I'm a firm believer in whatever energy you bring out into the universe is the kind of energy you are going to get back. So, I'm bringing positive energy, and hoping that is what comes back!

2010-09-09T14:43:00.002-04:00

Every time I think about money.....I freak out.

Can't handle it anymore, but I refuse to quit school to make room in my schedule for work.

School needs to be done...now.

For the sole reason that I need a job to pay off debts.

A typical Thursday

2010-08-26T12:13:00.003-04:00

Holy Wow!!! It has been SOO LONG since I have posted! What does that make me? Well, nothing, really....I just haven't had access to the internet all summer and I hate using my cell phone to post blogs.

School has begun! I have FINALLY started my last year! But let me tell you something: This semester is going to be a rough one! I am taking 19 credits, maintaining a job, and trying to keep up with my social life. It's going to be difficult, but I think that I am pretty good at managing my time, that I will be able to figure this out. Want to see what a typical day for me is like? I will write about today:

A typical Thursday for the fall semester (so far):
6:30 am -- Dorothy wakes me up...no alarm needed. She mostly wakes me up right on the dot of 6:30. The poor girl needs to go outside, and I've decided that I want to walk her in the morning so I can get at least SOME kind of physical activity in my schedule. ANYWAY, Dorothy and I wake up at 6:30 and take a walk.

7:30 AM -- Back from our walk. I feed Dorothy, take a shower, get dressed and ready for school, make my breakfast, make my lunch, and eat breakfast.

8:30 AM -- Leave for school. The drive to school takes about 15-20 minutes in the morning (depending on traffic) and then it takes about 5 minutes to find a parking spot. On Tuesdays and Thursdays, I park near the Education Building because that is where my last class is. However, because I chose to park at the Education building, I have to take a 10 minute walk to different building for my class. Then, I wait for class to start.

9:30 AM-10:45 AM -- Sit and participate in my History class. So far, I'm enjoying this class. I do have some problems with it: the amount to readings. This professor makes us read SO MUCH. This wouldn't bother me otherwise, however he had said at the beginning of the semester that he wouldn't bog us down with a ton of busy work or a bunch of readings. What a joke. My second problem is that this class is a basic study class which means that it is filled with freshman. The freshman don't participate. The professor lectures us about not participating. EVERYDAY HE DOES THIS. It drives me crazy.

10:45 AM-11:00 AM -- Walk from Morton Hall to the Education Building. Drop my stuff off in class, and go to the bathroom. With how much coffee and water I drink in the morning...this is something that must be done!

11:00 AM-12:15 PM -- Sit and participate in my Assessment class. I hate this class too. Only because there are so many juniors in the class. I sit next to a junior who is in the same major I am, and she likes to try to prove me wrong, and I feel like she is judging me all the time. It pisses me off.

12:15 PM -- 3:45 PM -- Studying/work on online class/eating lunch in the Alumni Lounge in the Education Building (I should be working on a history reading right now, but I am choosing to procrastinate for a minute..I'll get to it when I'm done with this)

3:45 PM-4:00 PM -- Drive to pick up my client

4:00 PM-8:00 PM -- Hang out with client. Take him to eat (although I don't get to eat anything because I don't have a disposable income right now), then take him to do what he wants...usually he wants to go play on the computers in the library, or he wants to go to my house to play with my dog. When the weather gets cooler, I will take him to parks and try to get him to play sports with me. Right now, with the heat and humidity...that is defintely NOT an option.

8:00 PM -- Time for my day to be over. I can finally go give Dorothy her dinner (and I can feed myself), and make sure she gets the attention she needs from me. This is also my time to hang out with Jason, or Lauren, or Michelle. This is also a time for me to do my laundry, work on more homework, do my paperwork for work, etc.

11:00 PM -- when I TRY to go to bed. Sometimes, it may be later. It is never earlier. I'm just too busy.

I love it. The only thing I'm not okay with is the fact that I can't be home in the middle of the day to take care of Dorothy. It's a really good thing that my roommate can take her outside when she gets home. Thank God for roommates. :)

the reasons why i get bored by mid-july

2010-07-28T11:04:00.002-04:00

1. I have no interaction with adults during the day. The only interaction i have with adults during the day is with the phelbotimists (I know i spelled that wrong...deal with it :P) at the plasma donation center, and with one of my clients' parents. It's sad.

2. If I don't keep myself busy, I think too much and get anxious. I try really hard to keep busy around the house, but there is only so much that I can do in my apartment.

3. I hate waiting. I am starting my senior year once school gets rolling. Graduation is something I've been looking forward to for a long time, and knowing that it is so close is KILLING me. I know once school has started, graduation will be even closer!

4. I need a real job. One that begins in the morning, and ends in the evening. I am a morning person, and i like to be home in the evenings to relax, surf the internet, kick back, or take care of business. I enjoy watching Jeopardy and I would like to take up cooking and take evening walks with Dorothy, Jason, and Shiloh.

5. I'm ready. I'm ready to grow up. I just need to wait. Wait for my life to start. Please school!!! Start soon!!!!

2010-05-30T20:13:00.002-04:00

I'm posting from my phone. So, this could have way more spelling and grammatical errors than normal.

I just wanted to take a moment and tell you guys about amazing my day has been.

Dorothy and I stayed over at the Boy's house last night and this morning she woke me up because she needed to go outside. I took her and the Boy's dog outside, then crawled ba into bed with the Boy. We stayed in bed for an hour or so, then decided it was time to get to because we needed to get ready for church.

After church, the Boy told me he wanted to take me to this quiet spot so we can be alone, and have a nice place to read our books. As we started driving, we decided we wanted to eat, and then we ended up driving around the Hampstead/Topsail area. While driving around, the Boy and i found this up and coming neighborhood. This neighborhood is so up and coming that all it had were roads. The lots were bare, no buildings or even the beginnings of buildings. We drove back to the end of the development and found the most perfect set of lots that I have ever seen. It sits on the Intercoastal Waterway and it is too beautiful to describe. Since I'm not good with words, I wont even try to describe it. But it was epic. It was beautiful. If was absolutely perfect. The Boy and I sat on this lot for a couple of hours imagining what we would do with the lot if it were ours. What the house would look like, where we would put certain things, how many dogs we would have running around with us. It was awesome. The Boy and i talked for hours and it was so great.

It really was one of the best Sunday afternoons i have ever had.

half of an update

2010-05-04T16:56:00.003-04:00

I feel as though I have been studying non-stop all day for my very last final. I don't really need to study too hard for this last test. This class is one of the two out of this semester where I loved every second of it, and I so I know all the stuff.

I want to update you on everything that has been going on, however I really don't have much time. I'm just taking a quick break from my studying. I should leave my apartment in a few minutes to get some last minute studying done at school (plus it's probably better for me to change my study area since I've been in my apartment all day).

I will just write as much as I can for the next few minutes :)

These past few months have been crazy! Between Stefanie's engagement, Tara's new baby, my new friend who happens to be a boy, and everything in between...I feel as though things have to be slowing down soon, right?

My semester officially ends tonight after I take a final. This semester was a tough one, but only because so much happened outside of school. I quit my job at the coffee shop, and started a new job (which is going very well) and my roommate moved out, and I've been learning how to live on my own (but it won't last for too much longer, thank God). I've met a boy that I like a lot, and I feel as though I have become closer to a few of my friends. I'm glad that the semester is ending. I have so many things that I want to do this summer, and I need the time to do it!

I hate reading things that I have written because I feel as if there is no flow in my writing. I feel like it's all over the place. I don't know why you guys read this thing....if anyone even does anymore since all I have been posting lately are videos of Hanson. Sorry about that.

Speaking of Hanson, they are going to release a new CD soon, and I've already heard the album, and it's amazing. But really....would you expect anything less than amazing? Not me :) I will be seeing them in Charlotte in about 3 weeks, and then seeing them again in July in Raleigh! I am so happy that I get to see them twice in one summer. How much can a girl ask for?

Since I believe the Boy is going to be sticking around for a little while, I'll give you guys some details (since you've been asking about him). His name is Jason. He is a social worker. He is awesome. I feel comfortable around him, which is good for me. I've never been able to truly feel comfortable around a guy, I'm usually nervous as hell or extremely worried about what my hair is doing, or what my shirt looks like, or what the guy is thinking about. But not this time. Jason is calm, and he is collected, and that vibe transfers over to me. One thing I really like about him, is that when we are driving, or eating, he doesn't need to be talking the whole time. We are able to sit in a comfortable silence, and that is something that is really nice for me because I'm really not much of a talker. Jason is very thoughtful, and he is a gentleman. He opens up doors for me (even my car door...every time!) and when we are walking around downtown, he makes sure that he is the one that is nearest to the road. When I came home from taking a test yesterday, there was a brown paper bag sitting on my coffee table. Inside were Dr. Peppers, Coronas, treats for Dorothy, a dog toy that we had discussed getting for her, and a note from Jason. It made my day. And you know something? He is very cute, and his smile is adorable :) He is a huge Carolina Panthers fan, and he talks about the upcoming football season with a hint of excitement in his voice. He has already planned at least one weekend for us to go to Charlotte to see a game. And, he is so tolerant of my Hanson obsession. I feel bad because he has met me at one of those times when Hanson is literally on my brain all the time (news about new and upcoming Hanson things --video, album, tour, live performances being streamed online, and DVD-- was released about the same time I met Jason), and he is patient with me while I talk to him about Hanson, and he agreed to see them with me in July! I feel lucky to have found him. He has definitely made living in Wilmington a little more exciting! :)

My rocking chairs were stolen off of my front porch a couple of days ago. It's annoying and frustrating, and really aggravates me. I loved those rocking chairs! What kind of person steals rocking chairs off of someone's front porch? That is so low! Jason said that we would look at prices for more rocking chairs, and for a long chain to lock them to my porch, but I don't know if I want to get any more. Is it worth it to have cute chairs on my porch again? Do I take the risk of having them stolen a second time?

Oh no! I've got to go to my final now! Wish me luck!

Don't worry...I plan on writing a real blog later

2010-04-26T10:30:00.000-04:00

I could watch Hanson videos on Youtube ALL DAY LONG

2010-04-15T14:00:00.003-04:00

....this video.....

Thinking 'Bout Somethin'

HANSON | MySpace Music Videos

In this video:
-Taylor needs to shave. Facial hair does not do him well :)

I love Zac's nonsense songs :)

I hope someone plays this song for me on my 24th birthday

***This one is from when they were making "The Walk" album.....4 freaking years ago!***

And this is why Zac is my favorite....

I heart weekends

2010-04-07T00:19:00.002-04:00

Since I have quit my coffee shop/bakery job...I have quickly learned how to love the weekends again.

I think the Boy might have something to do with it.....

weekend

2010-04-04T19:44:00.002-04:00

Michelle came to Wilmington this weekend.

Even though, in all, we didn't do too much......we did a lot!!!

Michelle and I aren't ones to get drunk often (and even then...I get a little crunk every now and again....Michelle....not so much). During this weekend, we wanted to make it a weekend of fun. A weekend where we don't have to worry about anything. Not about things that are going on in her life (personal relationships, friendships, school, work, etc), or things that are going on in my life (family stuff, dealing with Stef's engagement, work, school, etc). We wanted to to only worry about where we were going to eat, and what we were going to do. But on Friday night....we got smashed.

I won't tell you the details of the night, except that I had a blast!!!! The Boy was with us for the night, and ended up taking really good care of us. I really should do something for him to thank him for being so awesome. Although, I'm not sure what to do....I'm new at this dating thing.

Now that Michelle is gone, I miss her even more than I did before. It's hard to have someone you are besties with be with you for only a coupl of short days, and then be taken away from you again. I hope she had fun, and I hope that she comes back again. I had so much fun with her :)

I must end this...the Boy invited me over to his house for dinner. I think I'll keep him.

The 2 of Us

2010-03-29T01:06:00.002-04:00

1. Put your iPod, iTunes library, or MP3 player on shuffle.

2. For each question, press the “Next” button to get your answer.

3. Write down the song title, no matter how silly it sounds.

IF SOMEONE SAYS "IS THIS OKAY," WHAT DO YOU SAY?
Bizarre Love Triangle -- New Order

WHAT WOULD BEST DESCRIBE YOUR PERSONALITY?
When It Rains -- Paramore

WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY/GIRL?
Threatened == Michael Jackson

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE'S PURPOSE
Feeling Good -- Michael Buble

WHAT IS YOUR MOTTO?
Got A Hold On Me -- Hanson

WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?
Hurts So Good -- John Mellencamp

WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN?
Do You Know Me -- John Mayer

WHAT IS 2+2?
The Velvet Glove -- RHCP

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND?
Let's Get Funky Tonight -- Dreamstreet

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
Light A Roman Candle With Me -- Fun.

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY?
West Coast -- Coconut Records

WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?
Hey Jude -- The Beatles

WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
Covered In The Rain -- John Mayer

WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?
The Start of Something New -- High School Musical!!!!

WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING?
The Walk -- Hanson (doubt it...it's not a romantic song)

WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL?
Photobooth -- Death Cab For Cutie

WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST?
Cupid -- Jack Johnson

WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST SECRET?
Rain (Falling Down) -- Hanson

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?
If The World Crashes Down -- Enrique Iglesias

WHAT'S THE WORST THING THAT COULD HAPPEN?
Yellow Submarine -- The Beatles (this definitely would not be the WORST thing hah)

HOW WILL YOU DIE?
Indian Summer -- Mandy Moore

WHAT IS THE ONE THING YOU REGRET?
Rumors -- Lindsay Lohan

WHAT MAKES YOU LAUGH?
Drive -- Jordan Knight (it's true...this version of this song sucks)

WHAT MAKES YOU CRY?
Eleanor Rigby -- The Bealtes (very true)

WILL YOU EVER GET MARRIED?
you Picked Me -- A Fine Frenzy (cute)

WHAT SCARES YOU THE MOST?
Cure For The Itch-- Linkin Park

DOES ANYONE LIKE YOU?
Tangled -- Maroon 5

IF YOU COULD GO BACK IN TIME, WHAT WOULD YOU CHANGE?
Fiesta en America -- Chayanne

WHAT HURTS RIGHT NOW?
Like A Knife -- Secondhand Serenade

WHAT WILL YOU POST THIS AS?
The Two of Us -- NSYNC

Post #200

2010-03-26T11:52:00.004-04:00

The final days of the semester are upon me. Well, the final 30 at least. I have about a month left, and then time for summer! The summer isn't coming fast enough, if you ask me. I'm quite ready to work, work, work, and enjoy all of the finer things Wilmington has to offer me. I'm ready to learn how to sail, and I'm ready to spend more time with Dorothy.

The weather here has been fantastic, and I've been getting myself outdoors a little more. It's been really nice, and I am really loving it. Dorothy and I have been to the beach at least 6 times the last two weeks, and darn it, I plan on being there a lot more with her. Sometimes, she makes the beach experience a little stressful (she likes to bark at all of the birds, and people that pass by), but there are the times when she will just sit right next to me, and watch the water. I think the more I expose her to the beach, the less she'll care about the birds, and the less stress she will cause me.

I met with my academic advisor to talk about my senior year. Here is the lowdown of how it is going to be: Fall 2010 -- I will be taking 6 (yes, SIX) classes. This means 19 credits. This also means that I had to email the Dean of the School of Education for permission to do so. Because, I am one credit hour over the limit of 18. Fall is literally going kick my butt. I know that I will be able to handle it, I will just need to organize my time better, and stop procrastinating!

Remember when I blogged a while back about how I don't know how to effectively organize my time? And how I procrastinate like no other? Well, it's still true. I did really well with time management and not procrastinating at the beginning of the semester. And then, I quit my job for another one...and then that one is taking forever to get going (that is frustrating) and now that I have more time on my hands, I'm finding it harder to management my time! Isn't that nuts? It's like, I have more time than ever to finish assignments and projects, and to study for test, and I don't. I think it's because I think I have more time on my hands than I really do, and I end up putting things off. Eventually I look at the clock and say "Holy crap! I have one hour to get that 3 page paper done and turned in!" It's ridiculous how I have let myself get that bad. So, I'm trying to fix that this weekend.

The boy and I have been hanging out more. :)

My friend, Michelle, flies into North Carolina on Wednesday. That's only 5 more days! We've been waiting for this for a long time, and I can't wait! She is going through a really tough time, and I can't wait to be with her to help her through it. I know that I will only be with her for a couple of days, but it breaks my heart that I can't be with her all the time. This tiny trip will be good for her, and it will also be good for me. :)

Hmmm...I don't think I have anything else to say. I guess I'll start the paper that was due on Thursday. I knew I wasn't going to get it done, so I asked for an extension. Isn't that awful? See what kind of student I have become?

St. Patrick's Day

2010-03-19T11:35:00.003-04:00

I never go out for St. Patrick's Day.

But this year, I decided "Why the hell not?"

I called up a couple of friends of mine, and we went downtown to a bar called The Greenlight Lounge. This place is one of the coolest places I have ever been. It is a bar...there are no TVs there at all. There are only board games. NO JOKE! Who would have thought that board games at a bar would be a great idea. But, sure enough...it is. My friends and I snagged Apples to Apples and played a 2 hour game. We played Apples to Apples for TWO HOURS! And of course, we drank...but that's a given seeing as how we were at a bar.

I like the idea that the bar does not have TVs and that it has the board games and a bean bag toss game. I feel like it encourages social interaction. I think it's great. I was also informed that they will allow your dog to come to the bar with you (but only on their not so busy nights).

On another note, I am finally officially hired as a Habititual Technician. It's an awesome sounding job. I went in there yesterday to finish up paperwork and to become certified in CPR and 1st Aid. The kind of scary thing is...the CPR/1st Aid certification course was only 3 hours long, and I'm certified. It's a good thing I've taken those kinds of courses before because if that was my first time ever taking any kind of course in CPR, I would not feel comfortable with my certification. But whatever. I'm certified now, and that's all that really matters.

I'm waiting for someone who is interested in my house to come look at it. I think this girl is a keeper. As long as she likes the house, I'm pretty positive she will move in. We will have to see though. I've learned early in life not to ever get your hopes up about something, because you will always be disappointed. So, I just say "We'll see."

Speaking of not getting my hopes up, those of you who follow me on twitter have probably picked up on a 'him' in my tweets. Don't worry. Once I know what might be happening with that, I'll let you know more.

(Just keep your fingers crossed for me, okay? I really want something good to happen soon :D)

2010-03-17T13:10:00.000-04:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wLSfU-m2MlY

Thought bubbles

2010-03-15T18:20:00.003-04:00

I've been doing a lot of thinking lately.

-My younger sister is now engaged, and they set the wedding date for September 4, 2010. This means that now, not only do I have to come up with the money I need to buy plane tickets home for Christmas, but I also have to come up with the money needed to buy plane tickets to go home for the wedding. Plus, she will want me to be in her wedding party, which means that I am going to have to buy a dress.

-Two of my friends also just got enagaged (to each other). I'm extremely happy for everyone...engagements are exciting. I'm just thinking about the cost of it all. wedding presents, travel, dresses (bridal party dresses, and wedding-going dresses), bridal shower presents, etc. It's just no fun for me.

-Because I'm tired of being alone, and because the reality that I'm 23 years old and have no experience in the realtionship part of life, I signed up for a free dating website. It sounds silly...but I think right now, it's my only option. Someday, I will probably end up going on one of the sites that you have to pay for, but as for right now...my only option is the free site. Putting myself out there on the web is a little intimitating. the hardest part is when the guys that I've been emailing for a little while ask me for my phone number. It's a good sign, however I freak out! I get scared that they will actually call me. Oh, heaven forbid they call me. What am I so afraid of? Seriously...as long as I'm careful, I have nothing to lose. I just need to stop being such a scaredy cat.

I'm stressing out about money again...but what else is new?

I bought a bracelet for myself the other day. It was on sale for $5, so I thought, eh...why not? It says "The greatest risk in life, is the ine you don't take." I'm going to try to live by that motto from now on. i think it will do me a lot of good.

Job interview is on Thursday.

Hmmm....anything else.....not really. Think I'll go now. have a great night!

Really? The Hurt Locker won Best Picture?!?!?!

2010-03-08T01:01:00.003-05:00

I've got a lot going on right now.

Some of it good. Some of it bad.

I don't know how to write it all, so I'll just update you in a bulleted fashion

--I quit my job. I was so tired of working hard for only $7.60 an hour and being treated like scum. I was really tired of feeling worthless, stupid, and not contributing to the world. I was tired of my boss and is mood swings. I was tired of doing all the work, working with people who never pulled their weight, and never getting the credit I deserved. I was tired of not being good enough (even though, if you ask me...I was one of the best in the store). Yeah, I had some things I could have worked on, but I was tired of trying when I didn't get rewarded. Plus, I wanted to do something that I loved. And I wanted to make more money.
So, i got a new job. I don't know much about what I'll be doing, but I do know that I'll be working with persons with disabilities and I'll be making a lot more money. Which a great! So...there is one new years resolution that has been achieved!

--Speaking of New Year's Resolutions, I am proud to tell you that I have flossed my teeth every night this year (except for three nights). But THREE NIGHTS out of 60?! That's not bad. :)

--I am still trying to find a roommate. I'm having a hard time finding one. It seems like the only people who are responding to my numerous ads are older people. Like, people in their late 30s. I have only had two people that are around my age write to me to tell me they were interested. Seriously. I am showing the house to a 38 year old lady on Tuesday. Here is one thing I don't think this lady understands: if she moved in with me, she will be getting the smallest room. I'm sorry, but I really hope that when I'm 38, I'm not looking on craigslist for a room to rent out. I'm really hoping that by then, I'll have most (if not all) of my debt paid off, and I will be living in a house that I am paying a mortgage on. I will not be living with a 23 year old. (as you can see, I'm already not excited about living with someone who is 13 years my senior, so I can already tell you that she will not be living with me).

--My younger sister got engaged. I'm happy for her, but a part of me can't help but wonder when it's going to be my turn. Believe me, I don't want to be engaged right now, but I wouldn't mind having a boy that I can call my own. this is something that I have been struggling with since FOREVER and I am just not understanding what the crap is going wrong. Why haven't I been able to find anyone?

--My older sister is due soon. We found out that even though the heartbeat was faster, the baby is a boy. Oh joy. (Please note the sarcasm). Tara decided that she is going to name him Jacob Ryan (get the "Sixteen Candles" reference?) and to tell you the truth...I'm excited. My older sister is also in the process of getting her "husband" arrested for some very nasty things that he has done. I can't wait for him to get arrested, and for their divorce to be finalized, so she can move on from this. The longer this man is in all of our lives (especially Scarlett's life, Billy's life, and Bobby's life) the worse off we will all be.

--School is going well. I'm trying to keep going. I'm starting to feel burnt out, but I always feel this way during the Spring semester.

--Hanson is going to play in Charlotte in May. And I'm going. YAY!!!!!

--Michelle is coming to visit me in only a few short weeks. I can't wait to see her!!!!!!!! She has been going through a lot lately, and I know that a trip to North Carolina to see one of her besties is exactly what she needs :)

--I guess I better go. I'm starting to lose my mind, and my fingers really aren't cooperating with me anymore. Goodnight.

this is a sick, sick world

2010-02-22T01:23:00.004-05:00

Did you know that girls are at twice the risk of being a victim of sexual abuse than boys during childhood? Did you know that in adolescence, girls are at eight times the risk?

Did you know that one out of three girls will be a victim of sexual abuse by the time they are 18?

Did you know that incest between an adult and a related child or adolescent is recognized as the most prevalent form of child sexual abuse and has the greatest potential for damage to the child?

Did you know that you quite possibly know someone who was sexually abused as a child?

When reading these statistics, and learning about this horrible thing in my Child Abuse and Neglect class a couple of semesters ago, I never thought in a million years that I would someday know a child that has been sexually abused. And unfortunately, not only do I know her....I'm related to her.

I'm not going to say much about the situation, because I'm not sure how much this person's mother wants me to say (hell, I didn't even hear about it from the mother, I heard about it from MY mother). But I will say that I have never, in my whole 23.5 years on this earth, NEVER felt so much hatred for one man. I have hated this man for 12 years, but the hatred as just escalated. What's worse than hating someone? Loathing them? Because I don't even think that hate covers how I feel about the perpetrator.

Because of the news that I have learned today, I don't know how to react to it. Sure, my first reaction was "Super Brandy to the rescue!" I wanted to pack a bag, grab Dorothy, get in my car, and go save the day. But really? What would I do once I got there? Supposedly, the incident was over a month ago (if not more), and even though I talk a bunch of crap...I know that the perpetrator scares the living snot out of me, and I would eventually back off. But, really? Would I back off? This perp has done very bad things to someone very dear to me...how would I express my anger and hatred towards this man?????

Of course, going to where this little girl is wouldn't have solved anything. It probably would have made all situations worse (including my own...with missing school and work and such). So then, I just felt so sad, and helpless. Sad because this is something that I could only dream of in my worst nightmares, and yet...it came true. It happened to one of us. Sad that it happens in this world at all. Sad that people are sick enough to inappropriately touch little kids, and think they can get away with it. Sad that in order to keep the victims quiet, the perps threaten the victims with bodily harm (which happened in this case). I felt helplessness because I don't know what to do.

And now, I don't know how to feel. I know that I don't want to be alone. I don't want to think about it. I don't want my mind to wander in that direction at all. I want someone here to distract me.

Luckily, it's a Sunday, and so I had my weekly game nights with some of my favorite people in Wilmington. So, I put my best game face on and survived game night without once thinking about it. I did not want game night to end. I knew that I would have one long and lonely night ahead of me once the game was over. But game did end eventually. And as I drove home, let Dorothy outside, and took a shower the only thing I could think about was how much I wish I was in a relationship. A real relationship. That way, I would know that I wouldn't have to be alone tongiht. I've been good about not thinking about relationships, or boyfriends, or husbands...but this time I can't help it. I know that in times like this, having someone to just lay next to me in bed would help. I don't want to talk about the situation...I just want someone here with me.

And then I feel bad for wishing that I was in a relationship, and feeling a little sorry for myself because there is a little girl I know that is going through something SO MUCH WORSE than my feeling of extreme lonliness.

I just don't know what to do.

What I've Been Up To

2010-02-16T21:08:00.002-05:00

****Before I start this post...let me just tell you something. I'm watching the Olympics as I write this (it's the final night for men's figure skating) and I just saw a commercial for Leno's return to the Tonight Show (which I'm against, by the way...like it matters anymore) and they use a Beatles song to promote his move back to Late Night. ARE YOU KIDDING ME??? I'm severely offended.****

And now...let me begin ;)

Man, things sure have been busy for me.

My roommate moved most of her things out, which meant I needed to look for my own furniture to move in. So, that is exactly what I did. I went to Goodwill and the Habitat for Humanity Store, and found two couches. One was only $15 and the other is a sofa bed that was $75. So, now I have three couches :) But it's all good because they all fit in my living room (this room is HUGE) and I still have room for an entertainment center, and I need to get myself a coffee table. :)

My landlords are going to paint Laura's old room, and as soon as they are done painting that, I'm moving into it. It's bigger and has more windows, and I'm very excited for that. Then, they will paint the room I am currently living in, and then paint the rest of the house (to my understanding).

School is kicking my butt. I just can't seem to get ahead. The thing is...I didn't even fall behind! I don't know what's up with me this semester, but I can't get my head in the game. I do not like this semester as much as I liked last semester, and I'm just trying hard to keep trucking along, waiting for the semester to end. I've still got about 2 months to go, but I'm ready for this to be OVER!

hmmmm.............

Oh yeah! (I had lost my train of thought for a minute) I think that one of the reasons why it is so hard for me to stay motivated in school, and for me to stay on track is because all of my friends have graduated. All the people I hang out with on a regular basis are not in school (except for maybe two of them, but they go to school through their work...so that doesn't count). It's like I'm caught in the middle. Between being an adult (like my friends) and being a student (like my classmates) and I don't feel like I belong in either group. But it's all good. Only a little more than a year left, and then I will be outta there!

I'm trying to find a second job. Or a job to replace the one I have right now. I'm just a little tired of making coffee, and it's not helping me stay ahead in the bill paying department. I would rather not have to rely on student loans to live, and would rather be independent financially again. The coffee shop gig is getting way to old, and it got old very quickly. Everyone there thinks that they know what's best for me, and try to make decisions for me without consulting me first, and it's frustrating me. I'm 23 years old! I know what's good for me, and I need to be included in the decision making process.....especially if you are making decisions that deal with ME! So, anyway...I'm trying to find some nanny positions, or after school tutoring positions. I want something that I can keep for the next year or so. I hate applying for jobs, so I am hoping to find something that will keep me until after I graduate and I can get myself a teaching job!

I saw John Mayer in concert again. Yay! He is my favorite!

Hanson announced their new album release date. June 1st! YES! That also means that there will be a tour announcement coming up! Another Hanson show for me? Yes, please!

Met Nicholas Sparks. That was awesome. If you follow me on twitter, I know that I said that I would blog about the experience, but I don't feel like it anymore. Let's just say that after he talked, I waited in line for an hour and a half for him to sign my copy of "The Notebook." And it was worth it.

Hmmm......

Shaun White won gold! Woot!

Everyone is giving up something for Lent. Even those that aren't Catholic. I haven't decided what I am giving up yet. I need to decide. Has it started yet? (Wow. That shows you how often I go to church......)

I'm ending this now. Dorothy has left my lap, and has gone to burrow under the covers on my bed which means that I have stayed up too late :P

I would cook more often if....

2010-02-16T21:05:00.002-05:00

.....Tyler Hilton was in my kitchen.....

Watch this:

"I love Online Shopping"

2010-02-08T23:31:00.000-05:00

So, as I sit in the backseat of my roommate's boyfriend's car, on our way back to Wilmington from N. Charleston, I decided to give you my thoughts on the John Mayer concert I just witnessed.

It was amazing!!!!!!! If you follow me on Twitter, you will know what songs John played because I tweeted the whole set list as it was going on. Mostly for my own benefit. I don't want to forget what songs he played, and I had no other means of remembering all of them.

This was my 6th time seeing John Mayer live, and every time I see him, I feel like he gets better. I am not going to say that this was the best show I've seen by him (because that goes to the 3rd time I saw him-in CO), but this was good.Each and every time he amazes me with how good he is. He has the ability to make you laugh (because he is witty in between his songs), cry (especially if you are emotionally attached to a song), smile, dance, sway, etc. Besides Hanson and Tyler Hilton, I cannot think of anyone I like seeing live more than John Mayer.

You know what I was thinking about while I was watching my boyfriend on stage singing his heart out? This is the first time that I've seen John Mayer, and have been content with my life. I'm not going through any emotional dramas (except dealing with the fact that I'm my only one of my friends who is still single), and I haven't become emotionally attached to any of his songs on this new album. It was nice to be able to just enjoy the show for once, instead of freaking out and hoping and praying that he would play the song I truly NEEDED to hear. This time, I was able to enjoy the music, his voice, and of course...his epic guitar playing. I didn't hope, or freak out in anticipation of "In Repair" or "Something's Missing" (he didn't even play those ones anyway), and I was able to enjoy each and every song for what they were. Which is fantastic songs.

I throughly enjoyed myself this time around. I now wish I had tickets to the Greensboro, NC show in March. I'm happy, and I can now go to bed with a smile on my face :)

2010-02-03T19:22:00.002-05:00

After calming down and having time to stop and taking the steps I needed to take to make myself a little happier, I've realized that I was totally over-reacting yesterday while writing that last post.

Because my hormones go COMPLETELY out of whack when it is that time of the month for me, I knew that was one of the reasons why I was so upset yesterday (I'm not even looking forward to what type of mood swings I'll be having while I'm pregnant someday).

After my cry session in the morning, I had to pull myself together and get to class. I had decided to leave a little early to get some coffee from my coffee shop, and while I was there, I ran into one of my favorite people on earth (well, I didn't really run into him because he was working, but he doesn't normally work at my store). Even though he didn't know what was going on, or that I had been crying all morning...just talking to him made me feel much better. He has a way of making me laugh all the time. It's great. So, I left to go to class, and the girls that I sit with also made me feel better. They all were able to make me forget about what I had been going through in the morning, and just like Clay at the coffee shop...they didn't know they were turning my mood from rock bottom to really great.

Later that night, I had decided to call my older sister. I haven't been able to trust her in a long time. She has made some pretty stupid decisions that have made me put her aside. It sounds wrong, but if you knew the WHOLE story (instead of just the stuff I have written about occassionally), you'd understand. But the story this time is that her husband has left her, and THIS time she has filed divorce papers (although the state of Indiana won't let the divorce go through until the baby is born) and THIS time she actually has a protection order against him. She is struggling, and I had a feeling that maybe now...I needed her too. So I called her. And we talked for a long time. It felt good. She told me what was going on, and I told her what was happening in my life. We talked about how fun it would be if she and the kids moved to North Carolina to live with me, about a dream I had in which my two oldest nephews and I were on a boat and the boys were wearing sailing outfits. It was nice for the both of us to escape our worlds for a few seconds and have some sister bonding time. After awhile, Tara needed to get the kids ready for bed, but instead of asking me to hang up, she had let me talk to my neice, Scarlett. It was very nice to talk to Scarlett. The two of us talked on the phone for a very long time, and it was an actual conversation. As much as I hate that she is getting older, I love it at the same time, because now she tells me about the boys that she has a crush on, and she told me how she felt about things, and what she was learning in school. She and I could hold a conversation for a long time, and she kept coming up with new topics to talk about. SHE kept the conversation rolling. Before, when Rob was still around, she was very short with her answers, never added anything to the conversation and was boring to talk to. But now it's different.

And then today, I got a text message from the lovely Vi Tran. She totally made my day. I love that girl!!!! Thanks so much Vi! That text message made me feel so good, and I'm so glad that you and I are friends!

Anyway, I've got to finish a paper. Peace out!

2010-02-02T09:11:00.002-05:00

This past month has been a hard one for me. I came back to North Carolina facing a financial crisis that I had never had to face before. I had started a new semester that had promised to be one of the most demanding semesters yet. I continued to work at my job, loathing every minute of it. My roommate informed me that she is moving out. And, I started feel a friendship starting to distant itself.

My best friend in Wilmington has been great. She has been there for me in ways that she will probably never know. She was there for me when I was feeling so lonely, and needed a friend. She invited me over for dinner on numerous occasions (which was great especially when I couldn't afford to eat). She listened to me complain about tedious things such as homework, and paper writing, and my job. But lately, I feel as though she is moving onward. Like, she is bored with me and she wants something else.

Can you blame her? She is out of school, has a real job (that is mostly exciting) and she is a really cool person. She is able to go out to dinner, and to go shopping, and get things that she wants. She has free time to hang out, she doesn't have to read a chapter in her textbooks, and she doesn't have to write papers anymore. She doesn't have a boring, monotonous (Sp?) job where people create drama because they are bored. She makes money. She is taking the steps necessary to eat right and stay fit. She is moving on.

When I really take a look at it, who would really want to be my friend anyway? I can't afford to go out to lunch, or dinner. I can't afford to go shopping. I can barely afford to feed myself. I look like a cow when standing next to most people. I definitely have a hard time eating right and staying fit (when you can't afford to eat well, or don't have the time to plan out meals.....it doesn't work that well). All I talk about is Dorothy or school. Those two things are the only thing I have. Who wants a friend who only talks about the stupid things her dog does, or what the students in the middle school class did that afternoon. No one. Which is why I don't blame Lauren for finding new friends, and leaving me in the dust. Which is also why I don't blame Laura for abandoning me and making someone else live with me.

Yes, I am socially awkward. Yes, I have a hard time striking up conversations. Yes, I get nervous when I ask people to hang out with me (even if we've been friends forever). I may not be all that self confident, and my self esteem may be very low, but I still need a friend. I still need someone that I can feel comfortable talking to. I may talk a lot about Dorothy, or about school....but I only use that as fillers. I have actually got a ton of things to talk about...I just don't let anyone in. No one is interested in what I have to say. I've seen the looks of boredom as I talk about my family. I've been interrupted while talking about something that's important to me. That's why I keep things short and simple: "Hey, listen to this funny thing that happened to me and Dorothy while we were at Petsmart today." No one is forced to listen to me express concern about my mother's well being. No one has to listen to me tell them that my older sister's children were taken away from her (she got them back, by the way) and how I felt more lost, helpless, and scared during those 5 days than I have ever felt before. No one has to judge me for being in school longer than I had anticipated, or for being so broke all the time, or for being 23 and still living with roommates, and not having a career.

I don't blame Lauren for finding new friends, and hanging out with her mom on the weekends. I don't blame Lauren for not telling me that she is going on a work-related road trip this week. I don't blame Lauren for thinking that I'm boring, and uneventful, and an embarrassment. I don't. Because, I think those things about me as well.

I would find it hard to be my friend too.

Greek

2010-01-29T20:05:00.002-05:00

One of my favorite shows on ABC Family is "Greek." I missed all of last season, and I am totally lost while watching this season premiere. Of course I would be lost. Of course great, awesome things happened in the season that I didn't watch. Now, I feel like I can't watch this season until I am all caught up. Ugh!

Conan's Farewell.

2010-01-23T16:23:00.002-05:00

You will be missed, Conan....however I'M SUPER STOKED TO SEE YOU ON ANOTHER NETWORK in 7 short months

Cool song, Jimmy. This is why you are seriously the best :)

the fate of the kids.

2010-01-21T21:11:00.002-05:00

I don't know the details.

All I know is that I got a facebook message from my cousin telling me that Tara's kids were taken away from her because someone finally reported her to Social Services.

Since I don't know all the details, and I don't know what happened, all I can say is I don't understand. I don't know why her kids were taken away from her. She has been working with a case worker for a long time. Why take her kids now?

I don't know how to feel about it.

I don't want to think about it.

Am I a bad person for not really feeling any pain? Is it wrong that I have indifferent feelings about the whereabouts of my niece and nephews? Is it wrong that in the back of my mind, I am acting like a little kid, sticking out my tongue at my older sister while saying "I told you so! I told you so! You should have listened to all of us when we told you to SHAPE UP OR YOU WILL LOSE THEM!"

Is it wrong?

Am I a terrible person?

loneliness

2010-01-17T20:53:00.003-05:00

I do my best thinking and reflecting while I'm on my daily walk with Dorothy. Sometimes, I come up with some of the BEST things to say in a blog, and then the minute I walk into my house, I lose it. It's so sad, actually. Because I come up with some really great things to say, and since I'm not a good writer anyway.....it frustrates me. I wish I had a little device that was in my brain that I could turn on to record my thoughts, so I could remember them.

And so that one of my reasons for writing. I'm lost for words, and I'm bored. I am watching the Golden Globes, debating whether or not I want to stop watching them...take a shower...and go to bed. Or watch "Pretty In Pink." Or read my new book (I've finished reading 'The Nanny Diaries' and have just started 'Daniel Isn't Talking'). Or just lay down in my bed, lights off, listening to music. So many possibilities.

It's so "fun" being this broke. I don't do anything. Dorothy and I have spent the whole weekend at home (minus when I was at work), and we have done a whole lot of nothing. I've searched the house for loose change (because that adds up), and we have taken a lot of walks. It's kind of pathetic really, but it's also very lonely. Lauren has been in Oak Island all weekend because her mother has rented a beach house and is staying there for the next few months. My roommate is slowly moving out of the apartment and into her boyfriend's apartment. I don't have any other friends and it's depressing, really. It's a good thing that I have Dorothy because I would be TOTALLY lost without her. Just like I was before I got her....lonely.

I'm really surprised that I haven't really gone crazy this weekend. I've literally had no human interaction (except for with coworkers and customers) all weekend. It's hard to deal with, but at the same time...it really makes me think....

What if I spend so much time alone, that I start to not want the company of another human? What if I get so used to being alone, and hanging out with Dorothy all the time, that I let myself become a total recluse?

In the building that sits next to my house (the building that Lauren lives in) there are two other women. One lives on the top floor, and one lives in the basement. Both are single. Both don't have families (well...I guess the one on the top floor does, but she never sees them. They live in Arizona, I think). Both are in their 40s (at least). The one that lives on the top floor passes her time getting into every one's business in her building. She knows when Lauren leaves her house, and when she comes home. Hell, she even knows when I get home from school/work/volunteering. She makes it her business to know your business. The one that lives in the basement is never seen. The only time she comes outside is when she takes her little dog outside to go potty. She is an alcoholic, and occasionally causes a ruckus. I don't want to end up like either of those ladies. I want to grow up to have a significant other, or at least some friends. I don't want to love to be by myself.

But yet, somehow...I know that I won't end up that way. I know that if I happen to be on that path of living my life alone...I'll just move home to be closer to family. And I also know that because I want to have kids so badly, that before I get too old...I'll adopt. So I know that I won't be alone.

It just scares me.

I ABSOLUTELY LOOOOOVE THIS!!!

2010-01-17T14:21:00.000-05:00

Money, Money, Money....MONEY!

2010-01-07T14:18:00.003-05:00

Alright.

It's money.

I have absolutely no money. I believe to my name, right now...I have about $200. And I still have to pay for tuition, a car payment, and two credit cards.

I went to financial aid today to ask them what my options were to try to get more money. They basically had no options except for my mom and dad trying to get a federal PLUS loan, which is something that they have already done for me (and I'm paying it back). So, they are trying that again (because we were pleasantly surprised the last time) and even if they aren't approved, I get $8,000. but still. That's not going to help me pay for my bills this month.

I know that things aren't going to get better when I am graduated, because I will then have to start paying off student loans, and will be getting a pretty small paycheck (if I get a job right away).

I guess the only steps I can take right now are these that I have come up with:
1- Be VERY careful with my money -- I'm not going to spend money on things that I don't need. Even if I do need something....spend the least amount I can.
2- Start looking for another job -- this is going to require that I revamp my resume...and look for something that is not only flexible with my school schedule, but also pays more than my current job does, AND goes along with what I want to do when I graduate.
3- Prioritize bills -- Although my worst nightmare is not being able to pay a bill, it looks like I'm going to have to let one or two slip this month. Rent, and car get paid first. They are the two things I really TRULY need. Shelter and transportation. Then, I will work on paying the bills that I can afford. I really hate saying that, and I really hate doing it, but it's something that I've got to do.
4- Apply for in-state tuition again -- it's a long shot, but I'm going to keep doing it until I have that in-state tuition. I would be saving a CRAP TON of money if I were paying in-state tuition.
4- Pray -- I can work as hard as a dog, and I can try to do everything in my power to get myself some more money, but in all reality, I don't have control over everything. I can only pray for some help.

I know that I have made money mistakes in the past (HUGE ones) and I know that eventually, I'll fix these mistakes. I also know that I have a strong support system that isn't going to let me crash and burn (if that's what it all comes down to).

I tend to get a little over dramatic and I think about the worst possible scenarios all the time, and before I really had a chance to stop and think about what was going on, I started freaking out because I felt like all of my hopes and dreams were being shattered, right before my eyes. But, I'm going to be okay. I may be in way over my head in debt, but it's not like I can't get out of it. Eventually......someday.....I will. It's not in my immediate future, but it's there.

I think I'm almost done freaking out.

Almost.

New Year=New Resolutions

2010-01-05T19:12:00.001-05:00

Welcome back to Wilmington, me! Its good to see you back! Everyone missed you.

Not really. I'm sure that the only one that missed me was Dorothy, but you know what? That's all that counts.

The spring semester starts tomorrow and I am excited to get it started. Only because the sooner it gets started, the sooner it gets over with! With this semester being the second to last semester of taking classes, I'm sure you can only imagine how anxious I am to get back to school. I'm also excited to see my classmates again. A couple of them are super sool, and its been awhile since I've seen them. Oh, and I'm excited to work on getting my GPA back up to where I would like it to be. I'm at a cumulative of about a 3.3, and I need it to be higher for my own satisfaction.

So, the new decade has made its way here! Did any of you make any new years resolutions? I did. Here they are:
1- Floss teeth daily -- so far...so good :) its amazing how much cleaner your mouth feels after flossing ;)

2- Stop procrastinating -- most of the stress I felt last semester was due to how bad I procrastinated. I seriously left everything to the very last second, and I'm not going to do that this semester, or any other semester. Its not fair to me, and obviously my grades suffered because of the procrastination.

3-Have one credit card paid off and cancelled -- Let's face it. I have this as a New Year's Resolution every year, and as much as I would love to follow through on it....it never happens. I don't make enough money to pay off a credit card in a year (sad, huh?) but that doesn't mean that I shouldn't stop trying. I work hard to rearrange my budget so I can pay a little more than the minimum payment every month, and I'm working toward it. So that is really all a resolution is about...right? (Did any of that make sense??? I just got bombarded with printer issues AND my roommate came home in the middle of that paragraph and I don't really feel like re-reading it and writing it all over again)

4-Be more outgoing and make more friends -- I'm am the QUEEN of staying in by myself and watching movies all night. I'm also the queen of being super shy and not talking to people that I think are pretty cool. And, I'm the queen of complaining about how I don't have anyone to talk to, or to hang out with. I realized this is my fault because I'm not making the effort to have friends. So, that is exactly why this resolution was set.

5-Get a new job -- this one is self explanatory. I hate my job. I don't make enough money. I need a new one. Simple as that :)

2009-12-29T11:57:00.002-05:00

I really hate school sometimes.

I know I turned in everything.

My professor says I didn't.

I KNOW I did because I don't have it. and trust me. I searched EVERYWHERE for it. I remember stapling it all together.

Why can't a professor admit that they made a mistake and they lost one of my assignments?

Thanks to their mistake, I know have a B in one of my classes.

IT MAKES ME SOOOOOOOOOOO ANGRY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I really can't wait to be done with all of this. Forever.

2009-12-27T05:52:00.002-05:00

It's almost 4 in the morning right now, and I've just gotten back to my parents' house after a pretty awesome party that one of my friends threw in my honor. Well, I guess it was....that's what the facebook invite said.

Anyway, on my drive back to Park City from SLC, I had begun to evaluate me (what else am I supposed to do on a 30 minute drive up a mountain?). I'm not perfect. I'm not special. I hate being the center of attention, I hate it when people stare at me, or look at me affectionately. I don't know why....but I do. I have a very hard time keeping eye contact with those that I am speaking with (while I am doing the talking....I'm perfectly fine maintaining eye contact while they are speaking), and I am not a very good friend.

I strive for perfection. I want to be the perfect student, daughter, sister, friend, dog parent, barista, etc. Although I know this perfection I am striving for will never be able to be achieved, for some reason I still try.

I am my own worst enemy. I tear myself up, and bring myself down. I love to give myself an emotional sucker punch in the stomach. Someone tells me something that I did wrong, or someone calls me out for doing something bad...I take that as bait, and I dwell over it and make it a bigger problem than it really is. I tell myself that I am a bad person, and that I have failed. I say much more mean things to myself and it lasts for a couple of days before I am on making fun of myself for something different.

I make mistakes. Sometimes, I say things that probably shouldn't be said. I have been known to offended people once in awhile. I've also been known to hurt my friends with some of the things that I say. I don't mean to...most of the time. Sometimes, I say things and mean it. Other times, stuff slips out (or I talk too much when I'm drunk), and I don't realize that my words can be hurtful.

I truly am not a good friend. Sometimes, I wonder why my friends still keep me around. I don't keep in touch with them like I should. I don't know them as well as I should. I only trust a handful of them and that's because they have been through hell and back with me and they have stuck through it. But what have I done for them? Especially a particular friend. I am a complete bitch to this person when we are together in the same room. I blatantly treat this person like crap. I don't know why I do it. I hate myself while I'm doing it, but I can't stop. Why does he keep me around? I'm glad that he does, but I don't understand why. I don't want to be a bitch to you, but there is something that sets me off, and I can't stop. And that makes me a horrible friend.

I like to be told when I have said something that offends/hurts someone. How else am I going to know when to keep my big mouth shut? I like to be called out on when I'm wrong (even if I am so stubborn at times that I act like a complete bitch because you are right). How else am I going to learn?

I guess I don't know where I am going with this....I just needed to get these down before I went to sleep or else I definitely would not be getting a good night's rest. That's for sure. Just know this: I'm going to change it all. i will be a better person.

Jimmy Fallon's Christmas Song :)

2009-12-23T11:47:00.000-05:00

Hanson videos for my future reference

2009-12-22T22:51:00.001-05:00

This is an older one:

Rehearsing Madeline: *sigh*

I Wish It Was Christmas Today

2009-12-22T17:33:00.000-05:00

Christmastime is here!

2009-12-09T00:18:00.001-05:00

I absolutely love my dog!

10 more things

2009-11-24T10:21:00.003-05:00

I've done this before, but I though I'd do it again. Because I'm bored.

10 Things I Wanted to say...

Ten things you wish you could say to 10 different people right now (don't list names):
1. I have an internal conflict going on, and you're the subject of it.
2. I wish that you would call me more often.
3. Sometimes, I think that you and I are meant for each other....we are just to scared/stubborn/oblivious to see it.
4. If you have a problem with me, or the way I am performing at work. Tell me.
5. I miss you so much. I can't wait until you get back here.
6. I really do love that you tell me I'm beautiful every time you see me.
7. I'm not sure if I'm going to move home after I graduate. I'm sorry, but my life is short, and I want to experience as much as I can.
8. I really do enjoy living with you, I just wish you and your boyfriend wouldn't make me feel like I'm non-existent.
9. I think I really would enjoy having you around.
10. But then again....I think that I would get annoyed with you pretty quickly.

Nine things about yourself:
1. I have absolutely no idea where I am going to go or what I'm going to do after graduation. Even though it's 1.5 years away....not having a plan is freaking me out.
2. I'm learning how to adjust to being lonely. I love myself, and I love hanging out with myself, but sometimes the company of another is good for the soul.
3. Hanson, John Mayer, Tyler Hilton, and Paul McCartney are my favorite people to see live.
4. I want a place to myself.
5. Sailing Lesson, and Dog Obedience classes are on the agenda for next year
6. I can't wait to go home for Christmas. I miss the snow.
7. I feel so guilty about leaving my dog at home alone, that I haven't gone grocery shopping since I got her. I'm all out of food, and have to force myself to go today.
8. I feel as though my boss has a problem with me, but neither he or I will confront each other about it.
9. Sometimes, when I walk Dorothy downtown by the river, I pretend we live in one of the big historic houses and we are walking to our sailboat docked on the river.

Eight ways to win your heart:
1. have a sense of humor
2. challenge me/tell me the truth
3. let me be myself
4. be yourself
5. protect me/hold me
6. be willing to go on walks with me and Dorothy. Hold my hand while we walk.
7. don't make me feel stupid.
8. goof off when it's appropriate. Be serious when it's apporpriate.

Seven things that cross your mind a lot:
1. this internal conflict
2. Dorothy
3. my friends
4. my family
5. Tazz
6. my happy place
7. Hanson

Six things you wish you would have done:
1. let myself get into the debt that i'm in
2. been more assertive
3. had a boyfriend at some point in time (i'm very awkward around boys, and it gets worse as I get older)
4. Spoken to Zac Hanson while he was standing right next to me.
5. not cared about what people thought about me
6. drank so much on Sunday night :P

Five turn offs in a guy/girl:
1. no job
2. no ambition
3. liars
4. no assertiveness
5. judgemental

Four turn-ons in a guy/girl:
1. goals/ambitions
2. family values
3. honesty
4. great back!

Three careers you would consider:
1. special education teacher
2. merchandise sales person for Hanson while they are on tour
3. special education teacher

Two things you want before you die:
1. a sailboat
2. someone i can depend on

One confession:
1. I truly do feel i'm destined to walk this world without someone by my side.

My Escape

2009-11-05T16:48:00.004-05:00

Somewhere on the coast of the Carolinas, there is a river that leads out into the ocean. Sitting along that river is a dock. A sailboat sits at the dock, and on the sailboat is radio playing some relaxing music. If one looks up the dock, they would see a few acres of land. On this land, there are trees. Tree swings are scattered about. Among the trees is a backyard playground with a few kids playing around. As one continues to look around, they would see three houses. One big, southern plantation house with a very big wrap around porch sits in the middle. A smaller cottage sits on the right side of the big house, a smaller Victorian sits to the left. The smaller houses also have porches. Each porch has ceiling fans (as comfort from the southern heat and humidity), rocking chairs (for the evening chats), and a porch swing (for the afternoon naps).
A family of eight lives in the big house in the middle. Six kids, one mother, and one father. Two dogs also live in this house. A Bernese mountain dog, and a mini dachshund. Some of the kids are adopted. Most are not.
Two people live in the house on the left. The grandmother and the grandfather of the children. And the cottage on the right? That's for the guests.

At any given time, on any given day, one can expect to see one of the residents, or a guest outside. Either playing in the yard, sitting on the porch, or out on the boat. The mother? She is usually playing with the kids on the playground in the trees, reading a book on the porch with the dachshund in her lap, or out on the sailboat with the Bernese mountain dog. The father? He is usually on the sailboat. Cleaning it, doing routine repairs, or taking some of the kids out for a spin. Sometimes, he works in the yard, plays with the kids, or relaxes with his wife. The grandparents spent little time in their Victorian home, for they spend most of their time with family in the plantation home. The guests come and go as they please, and do whatever they want while they are visiting. They have the option to visit the sites around the homes, hang around the property, or go sailing.

Every sunny Saturday, the family spends their time on the sailboat. They sail to a nearby beach, dock the sailboat, eats lunch at a restaurant that has a view of the ocean. They spend the day playing around on the beach, or sailing around int he ocean and enjoying each other's company. Every Sunday, they go to church services in the morning, and have a picnic in their yard in the afternoon. During the week, everyone has to go to their job (they can't pay for all of this without working, you know), and the kids go to school. On good weather days, the dogs spend the day roaming around outside (don't worry, there's an invisible fence and those dogs are VERY well trained), and on bad weather days, they stay inside and enjoy the warmth of the plantation home. Every evening, a big dinner is made and everyone sits around a huge table to eat (the mother, grandmother, and the father are all good cooks, and there is a variety of dinners made).
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

What's the purpose of this blog post? I'm trying to describe my happy place. When times get rough, or when I get really stressed out, I try to envision my happy place. I will ESCAPE to my happy place. The mother in this happy place is me. The grandparents are my mother and father. The guests in the house are constantly changing (usually depends on who I miss the most). I have never have been able to picture what the children or the husband look like, but that's okay. Someday, they all will be there. I know that the possibilities of me having this life are very VERY slim to none, but it's still okay to dream.

My favorite thing about this happy place isn't the sailboat, or the three big houses, or the huge parcel (is that the right word to use?) of land that all of this sits on. It's the fact that I am surrounded by friends and family all the time. In my happy place, my mom and dad are always with me. Friends or other family members are always staying in my guest house. I always have a dog (now two...I have to include Dorothy!) that sits at my side. My future husband and future children are all happy, healthy, loving individuals.

It's good for all of us to have a happy place that we can go to for relaxation, or a momentary escape from reality. I wanted to share mine with you. :)

2009-10-27T23:04:00.000-04:00

I'm currently sitting in the movie theater waiting for Michael Jackson's movie "This Is It" to start. I'm here alone, not because I couldn't find anybody to come with me, but because my roommate got a very high fever and her boyfriend took her to the emergency room. Well, they ended up going back home because there was a 5 hour wait in the ER. They decided not to join me, and told me they wouldn't be mad if I went wihtout them, but I just feel like a horrible person. Not only did I leave my sick roommate at home (granted she has her boyfriend with her) I left Dorothy at home too. And this evening was a rough one before I left because I couldn't devote all of my time to paying attention to what she was doing because I was writing a paper, and she started instigating in rough play with the other dogs. And they weren't okay with that, so they fought back. They didn't play back. They fought. So, I had to leave Dorothy in my room with the door shut so I would be assured that she wouldn't get hurt because she was provoking the other dogs. She hasn't acted like that yet, but I'm pretty sure her intentions are just play, but the other (older) dogs just see her as a nusiance right now. Soon, everyone will adjust. It just takes time. I'm still adjusting to the fact that I have a dog of my own!

Best. Weekend. In. A. LOOOOOOOOONG. Time.

2009-10-25T23:30:00.002-04:00

So, I'm not going to say that this was the best weekend ever. But I am going to say that it comes in a VERY VERY close second (the first best weekend ever was the weekend I went to Atlanta, GA to see Paul McCartney in concert). Let me tell you about this fantastic weekend:

FRIDAY: Hanson Concert
In a nutshell....I got to meet them.
Before every show (and they have been doing this since 2006), Hanson does a barefoot mile walk. The fans and the public are invited to join, and what happens is, for every person that walks a mile barefoot (you can wear your shoes, although the purpose is to "walk a mile in someone else's shoes" however, the people in Africa don't wear shoes....hence....barefeet) and then registers their mile right after you are done walking, Hanson donates one dollar. So, let's say 400 people show up to take the walk with Hanson. Let's say that all 400 of those people register their mile. Hanson will give $400 to the foundation that they have helped create. It's a good cause, plus it's a great opportunity for the fans to meet and talk to the guys. Well, the past three years, I've seen Hanson three times. The first two times I missed the walk for reasons beyond my control, and this year I was determined not to miss this one. So, I didn't. My roommate (who also happens to be a huge Hanson fan) and I drove down to Myrtle Beach to be at the venue early, and to start the walk. After the walk was over, Hanson played a couple of songs, and then signed copies of their book "Take The Walk." Naturally...I bought a book (even though I already had a copy that I pre-ordered before it was even published), and I stood in line and waited for Hanson to sign my book. that was when I got to meet them. They weren't allowing pictures, and to be honest, I probably would have been too chicken to ask them for a picture with me. But, during the walk, Laura and I were able to walk with each of them for a little bit. We power-walked our mile to make sure we got to each boy (and now my feet are terribly blistered because of it....but the pain is worth it!)
After the walk was over, and after we washed up our feet (one of mine was bleeding haha), we headed to Joe's Crab Shack for lunch. Then, we went to the show. The opening bands (Sherwood, Steel Train, and Hello Goodbye) were absolutely fantastic! They were just so great! Especially Hello Goodbye. I just thought they were so cute. They bantered on stage, and they interacted with the crowd. There were even a couple of times when they asked the crowd to be quiet so they could hear what someone in the crowd was saying to them. They were super cute.
And then, of course...Hanson came on stage. Best. Hanson. Show. Ever. I will never forget it. I was closer this time than I ever have been at a Hanson show. They sang all of my favorite songs. I was with someone that actually liked the band. And I had soooo much fun! Ah. I honestly just can't stop thinking about it.

SATURDAY: The day spent in Southport
Lauren asked me earlier in the week to go with her to check out a beach house that her mom wanted to rent for the winter. I told her I would go. The beach house was in Oak Island, and we fell in love with the area and with the house. After visiting Oak Island, and on our way home, we got hungry so we decided to go to Southport for lunch. While we were in Southport, we stopped by a park to play on an anchor they have there (it's the same anchor that Pacey plays on in the opening credits of Dawson's Creek for any of the DC fans out there) and then we went to eat lunch at the Fishy Fishy Cafe. No joke. That is what it is called. It was SOOOO GOOD! I had grilled Tilapia, and it was to die for. After lunch, we stopped at a pet store because it said that there were pet adoptions. Well, by the time we made it to the pet store, the animals were gone, but we did a little shopping anyway. I ended up buying a collar that has sailboats on them, and a matching lead. It is perfect for a girl or a boy, and since I didn't know if I was going to be getting a boy or girl dog...it was perfect. The whole day, my feet hurt, but I didn't really care. I was having fun.

SUNDAY: The day I found Dorothy.
I am a very firm believer in a pet finding you, and not necessarily you finding the pet. And that is exactly what happened today. Lauren needed to take her boss' dog to a local kennel here called Pet's Pal Inn since he was going to be out of town for two weeks. While we were checking him in, the lady at the counter said "by the way, if you know anyone that is looking, I have a dachshund that someone just dropped off here and she needs a good home." So, I asked her how big the dog was and she said that the dog was only 10 pounds. After that I didn't say anything, although I thought about asking her if I could see the dog. Lauren and I finished checking Leon in, and then walked out to the car. While we were walking to the car, Lauren said to me "I'm really surprised that you didn't ask to see the dog." So, after talking about it for a few minutes, we decided that it never hurt to look, and we went back inside to look at the dog. The lady at the counter couldn't have been so thrilled! She had one of her staff members go to the back to get the dog, and when they brought her out...I almost immediately fell in love.
Here is this dog's back story: A little while ago, this dog (who's name was Bubbles) was dropped off at the kennel while her parents went out of town. When they came back to get her, they paid with a check. A little while later, the check never cleared, and actually bounced, leaving the Pet's Pal Inn with an unpaid bill. So, the owner of the Bubbles brought her in and said "I can't pay my bill, just take the dog" and left. So, the lady at Pet's Pal Inn has been trying to find her a home ever since. I asked her how much she was asking for the dog, and she said "nothing. I just want her to go to a good home where I know she is going to be taken care of" and then told me that if I wanted to, I could take her home to see how things were going to go and if things looked like they weren't going to work out, then I could bring her back. So, what the hell? I took her. And she hasn't left my side since! She is an 8 month old dachshund, and she already knows that she is mine. She climbs in my lap, brings toys to play with me, and at them moment, she is right next to me sleeping. She is my little Dorothy.
I'm going to keep her. She was free! All I have to do is get her spayed. That will cost me a little bit, but that really won't be a problem since I won't have to pay for the actual dog. She is mine. I love her already. We have quite a bond forming, and I feel like it is only going to get stronger. She loves her sailboat collar and matching lead, and tomorrow...she and I are going to go to Petsmart to get her a couple of new toys and some more food (The PPI gave me a little, but since I'm going to keep her, I'm going to have to get me some more!)

Anyway, she is the cutest. Be looking out on facebook and twitter for pictures of my little Dorothy :)

Best. Weekend.

the landlords gave the go-ahead :)

2009-10-13T16:49:00.000-04:00

And since they said it, then it means I'm going for it! I'm now on the lookout for a Yorkshire Terrier. Preferrably a puppy.
I'm in no rush to get one, but I'd like to have one by January. Probably no sooner because I'm going to utah for ten days to visit family for Christmas and I'd rather not travel with a young puppy. I'd like to wait until he's older :)

Yay!!!!!!!!!!

Last night...I was in punk rock heaven.

2009-10-07T08:35:00.003-04:00

So last night, my friend, Christian, and I drove four hours to get ourselves to Charlotte to go to a concert. I don't do that drive often, and I have to have a good reason to go. I have only been three times. Once for Hanson, once for Tyler Hilton, and now once for Blink 182.

Whether you like their music or not, you have to come to terms with the fact that Blink 182 has been around for 17 years, and therefore something that they do is working. And last night, I was able to witness that. Their music has always been good, but I never could have even dreamt about how awesome they are live. Those three men have such a great stage presence, and that is what has helped them stay around for so long. I'm so happy that Christian and I decided to go to the show.

:)

My favorite part of the show? When they sang "I Miss You"

Facebook

2009-09-26T23:48:00.005-04:00

The social networking site that we all know and love dearly really is a crazy thing! I love/hate that I'm able to stay connected with a bunch of high school classmates, long lost family members, my new friends, my Utah friends, my grandmother, even some of my former teachers!

A couple of really weird things have happened in the past week and a half, thanks to Facebook. First, an old friend of mine had friended me a while back. He added me as a friend, and then never wrote on my wall, or anything of those sorts. One night, while I was playing on farmville, one of those facebook chat boxes popped up and it was from this friend. "I miss you" is what the text read from him. And we had preceded to have a conversation. The conversation was a nice one...one to kinda catch us up on what has been happening over the last six years we haven't seen each other, and I ended up giving him my phone number. The next day he started texting me. The conversation via text was nice at first, but took a weird turn shortly after he asked this question: "Are you dating anyone?" I told him no, and then he asked him if I would help him with some "guy issues" he was having. Gross. I told him "no...I'm not that kind of girl" and he stopped talking to me. Seriously. He doesn't text me or write to me on facebook anymore. Fine by me. If he is going to talk to me, I'd rather it be the "old him" from high school.

Another thing that happened, was another old classmate of mine had asked to be my friend. I accepted the request, and he started talking to me. The cool/weird thing about this guy was that we weren't friends in high school. Actually, to be honest, I don't think that we ever actually spoke to each other while we were in school, and we definitely haven't spoke since graduation. It was nice to catch up with him, and kind of start to get to know him. It makes me wonder...if we can be friends now...could we have been friends in high school? Honestly...I doubt it. You know how kids are, and you know definitely know how high school is. But, it's nice to talk to him now. Don't tell anyone...but I actually look forward to his text messages.

One more thing that was weird that happened to me this week was I got a phone call from someone whom I never thought would ever call me again. I'm actually shocked that she did call me. It makes me really wonder what her motives are for calling me. Here's the backstory: This girl and I used to be friends (pretty good friends, actually) about a year ago. We had lived together, and shared a lot of memories. Our friendship was always a rocky one...I kinda feel like the two of us were both walking on egg shells all the time. We didn't want to set the other off...because when we would get in fights, they would be pretty nasty ones. When I moved to North Carolina (after her not ever supporting my decision to move), we slowly started losing touch. We were both in very completely different places in our lives...literally and figuratively...and slowly but surely we just stopped talking. Around Christmastime, I had gone back to UT for the holidays, and was so busy working, spending time with my family, trying my best to see everyone, that I wasn't able to make time for her. (There are no excuses, but I just had a friend come home from his 2-year LDS mission who I was DYING to see and spend time with, and so he automatically jumped to number one on the priority list...which bumped everyone down) Both this friend (the girl, not the LDS mission boy) and I had very busy, conflicting schedules, that we were only able to see each other for about an hour before we both went our separate ways to hang out with other people. Anyway, to make a long story short, this girl got mad at me, and decided to take it out on me via her blog (that is publicly posted on the internet, and is read by many), instead of contacting me personally to let me know how she felt. In her blog, she wrote very mean, nasty, untruthful things that attacked what I look like, what I wear, and who I am as a person. And the worst part was...they just kept coming. It wasn't like it was one mean and nasty post...it was about three or four mean and nasty posts. At the time these posts started making their way on the internet, and when I had found them...I was going through a tremendously sad and stressful family situation, I was having a hard time in school, and I was constantly stressed out about my job. So these blogs were the last thing that I needed. Thank God I have friends who stuck up for me, and who made me realize that what she was saying didn't really matter, because they weren't true, and this girl could say anything she wants...they were still going to love me and stick behind me 210% like true friends do.
Anyway, this girl had called me the other day. Who knows why? What prompted her to do it? She left me a voicemail asking me to call her back. Sorry. I won't do it. By doing what she did, she had hurt me to the point where I thought I was going to fall apart, and she has lost all of my trust. To be honest, I don't think that there will ever be a time when we can be friends again. I don't think that neither her, nor I, can trust each other again (which is essential to any kind of friendship). You can call my decision to not call her an immature decision. You can say I'm jumping to conclusions and being immature when I say I don't think we can ever be friends again. But I'm protecting myself from going through any of it again. I don't need that in my life. And neither does she.
I wish this girl luck with all of her endeavors in life. She will go far, there is absolutely no doubt about that.

Totally Awesome video from a Totally Awesome band

2009-09-22T13:55:00.000-04:00

Darling, It's True from Locksley on Vimeo.

Funny joke

2009-09-22T13:38:00.001-04:00

I got this in an email from my Grandma :)

Yesterday I had a flat tire on the interstate. So I eased my car over to> the shoulder of the road, carefully got out of the car and opened the> trunk.>> I took out 2 cardboard men, unfolded them and stood them at the rear of my> car facing oncoming traffic. They look so lifelike you wouldn't believe!>> They are in trench coats, exposing their nude bodies and private parts to> the approaching drivers.>> I started to change my tire, and to my surprise, cars started slowing down> looking at my lifelike men. And of course, traffic started backing up.> Everybody was tooting their horns and waving like crazy.>> It wasn't long before a state trooper pulled up behind me.>> He got out of his car and started walking towards me. I could tell he was> not a happy camper!>> "What's going on here?">> "My car has a flat tire," I said calmly.>> "Well, what the hell are those obscene cardboard men doing here by the> road?">> I couldn't believe that he didn't know. So I told him, "Hello-o-o-o-o-o,> those are my emergency flashers!"

My new favorite song

2009-09-13T23:50:00.002-04:00

Let's Just Fall In Love Again
by Jason Castro

Let’s pretend, baby
That you’ve just met me
And I’ve never seen you before
I’ll tell all my friends
That I think you’re starin’
And you say the same to yours

And oh, we’ll dance around it all night
And then I’ll follow you outside
And try to open up my mouth
And nothing comes out right

And I wanna fall in love with you again
I don’t have to try
It’s so easy
Who needs to pretend?
But because it’s so funny
Let’s just think about it, honey
Let’s just fall in love again

I’ll call you in three days
Not too soon, not too late
And I’ll ask your roommate if you’re home
You call me on Thursday
And we’ll hang out all day
Then fall asleep on the phone

And oh, I’ll hold your hand when we drive
And we’ll lose track of all the time
And we’ll tell everyone
That we ain’t never felt so alive

And I wanna fall in love with you again
I don’t have to try
It’s so easy
Who needs to pretend?
But because it’s so funny
Let’s just think about it, honey
Let’s just fall in love again

We’ll fall disgustingly fast
And we’ll stop hangin’ out with friends
And they’ll be so offended

And I wanna fall in love with you again
I don’t have to try
It’s so easy
Who needs to pretend?
But because it’s so funny
Let’s just think about it, honey
Let’s just fall in love again
Let’s just fall in love again
So, let’s just fall in love again

2009-09-12T23:45:00.002-04:00

I have been doing a lot of thinking, and reflecting on my moods as of late, my emotions, where my life has lead me to and I have come up with this:

I really don't have a reason to complain. Sure, I'm single, almost flat broke, and pretty much playing the waiting game until starting the career of my dreams. But should that stop me from being happy with the life that I lead now? No. I'm 23 years old, living in Wilmington North Carolina, and going to school to get my degree in Special Education. Plans for the very near future? 1- Swimming Lessons 2- Sailing Club 3- slowly learning how to enjoy the life that I do lead.

I don't know what has gotten over me over the last few weeks, but I'm starting to make those dark clouds that have been lingering over me go away. I need a little more sunshine in my life and I'm going to put it there myself. No one else can make me happy, so I have to do it myself, and by golly! I will!

Tomorrow I'm going to go to Wes' church. He has been asking me to go ever since the day I met him, and since I have the morning off work, I told him that I would go. I'm a little nervous (I'll be going by myself, and I don't know how big this church is.....I don't want to stand out), but I'm not going to let that stop me from going. Maybe a little church will also help me out.

On a side note--
When I got into work tonight at the bakery, Jen (the girl I bake with) said to me "I've met the guy whom I believe in your perfect mate!" And of course, I become skeptical because, HONESTLY, I'm starting to think that he just isn't out there. But I played along with her and asked her who he is. "It's the new guy they have working here. Have you met him yet?" she asked me.
"Yeah, I have. He is kinda cute, I guess," I responded.
"I knew you would say that!"
"One problem."
"What's that?" she asked.
"He's engaged."
----and I'm not that kind of girl. I'll stay away from him. See. I'm skeptical for a reason :)

Oh no! My throat is starting to hurt......I better get some sleep. I don't want to get sick! I need to go to Wes' church tomorrow like I promised!

Okay, fine. I'll admit it.

2009-09-07T23:44:00.003-04:00

It's nice to know that someone reads my boring (and sometimes whiny) blog :) I'm glad that Emily does. She writes the best comments, and really knows what to say to me to help me feel a little better about things. She posted a comment on my last post, in which she said that she could tell that I'm feeling down and lonely right now. She also said great things that made me feel so much better than I had been feeling, and for that...I thank her. She really is the best!

I'll admit it. I do feel lonely. That is really hard for me to admit that. Maybe because, for some reason, I feel like being lonely is a sign of weakness. Maybe it's because one of my biggest fears is to end up alone, so if I feel lonely...then those fears have become a reality? Does that make sense??? (I enjoy writing, and I enjoy being able to get my thoughts out on paper....or a blog....but sometimes I don't know exactly how to word my thoughts so they are clear...so I apologize). I shouldn't feel lonely. I have my best friend, Lauren, to hang out with whenever I want to. I have a family that I can talk to whenever I want (if they decide to answer their phones), I have my schoolwork to bury myself into, and I even have a few TV shows that I can lose myself in.

So, where is this loneliness coming from?

Sometimes, I feel like I don't have anyone to talk to. I don't have anyone to talk to about my dreams, my fears, my ambitions, etc. I don't have anyone who wants to tell me about their dreams, their fears, their ambitions. I don't have anyone to call up at the end of the day just to see how it went. I don't have anyone to come home to (unless you count my roommate's tempermental dog -- who is currently in heat), no one to come home to me. No one to make me feel important. No one that I can take care of, or that can take care of me. Sometimes, I feel like I don't have anyone to relate to, or anyone to relate to me. I feel like I'm ready for that significant other to make his way into my life, but maybe the Big Guy Upstairs thinks differently.

Speaking of the Big Guy Upstairs: I've been so confused about that ever since I was little, and I think that maybe why I'm feeling a little lost. I just haven't found where I belong in the religious spectrum yet. I believe in God, I believe in Jesus. I do not believe that I need to fear Him or His wrath. I was baptised Catholic, and love going to Catholic mass...however, I do not agree with some of their beliefs, and therefore have felt like I don't belong. I think that most of this confusion comes from where I have lived. Raised in Mormon-country, and moved to a part of the Bible Belt...I've had religion forced upon me ever since I can remember. I hate the feeling of a religion being forced on me. I really don't enjoy talking about religion with anyone...which may be another reason why I am feeling a little lost.

Anyway...now that I've been able to clear my head a little bit....and now that the dog isn't howling anymore...maybe I can get some shut eye. Long day ahead of me tomorrow.

Once again. Thanks Emily! I love you too!

this is me whining

2009-09-04T07:20:00.003-04:00

This post is going to be me complaining. I'm not going to edit this. I'm not going to care about typos (do I ever? haha) I've got a lot on my mind, and I'm just going to let it all out. Then maybe, my attitude will change, and I can be happy again.

-- Work.

there are times when I absolutely love my job. But lately, I've absolutely hated it. My boss has been training a new manager, and because of this, he has been correcting everything that I do wrong. I can't say anything about my coworkers, because I haven't noticed any changes with them, but I feel like he has been picking on me the most. The thing is...I normally do everything correctly, and then the ONE TIME that I do something a little differently, that's when he catches me and then he has to comment on it. I try to defend myself, and but he doesn't listen. I think he thinks that I am stupid. Maybe he thinks that I'm a moron. It just sucks. I'm not a moron. I'm not stupid!! I don't need a lecture. I don't need you to tell me where to put the empty coffee urns, and I definitely doin't need to be scolded because you haven't given me proper directions. I'm sick of him thinking that I can read his mind. I"m tired of him thinking that I can see what's going on at all times, and I'm definitely tired of the job itself. We do so much, and deal with so much crap and we only get paid minimum wage.
I would go get another job and quit complaining, however...the way my school schedule is right now, I need the flexibility, and the hours that the store gives me.
PLUS, I really do love my coworkers, and I love my boss....when he isn't being such a punk.

--SCHOOL
I love school. We all know this. If I didn't like school, then I obviously wouldn't be going, let alone going to be a teacher. HOWEVER...I'm studying to be a TEACHER. Don't you think that the students in my classes would be a little more repectful towards our TEACHERS??? I was in class yesterday (in a class called Teaching Ready to Students with Disabilities, no less) and there were this group of girls who did nothing but talk over the teacher all night long. And they sit in the FRONT ROW! I'm tired of people not understanding the concept of "take-one-from-the-top-of-the-pile-and-pass-it-on." we are TEACHERS IN TRAINING FOR GOODNESS SAKE! You'd think they would understand that.
I think this may be one of the reasons why I don't have any friends at school. Everyone is lacking common sense and respect. I seriously can't wait to be done with school, and graduate so I can have a classroom of my own and I can stop dealing with these smart people who are acting so stupid.
I've started my field placements at a couple of differnt elementary schools in New Hanover county. The first day in my first classroom, I was given no direction. And because of that, I felt like burden, and I didn't have fun. I hope that it changes today.

--LIFE
I know that I have gained weight. Clothes are tighter, pants are fitting right, and I don't feel comfortable in them.
I haven't quite figured out exactly what my schedule is like, so I haven't been able to find a good sleeping pattern yet, and that's taking a toll on me. Plus, I can't find a time to make it to the gym (but I think that is mostly because I'm trying to find time to make it to the pool to practice swimming).
I feel lonely on campus because I don't have any friends. My only friends are my coworkers and Lauren.
I feel like Lauren is a better person than I am, and it is starting to really bother me.
I just need an attitude adjustment.

2009-08-24T11:56:00.002-04:00

This journey to becoming a teacher is freaking expensive!

I was thinking about all of the debt that I have gained because of school/my own stupidity, and I realized that I am going to be paying this off for the rest of my life. No joke. And the worst part is, I thought that once I actually got a real job, and made a pretty solid paycheck that I would be able to start sending payments that are more than the minimum balance, but that won't be the case. Because once I am out of school, I won't hav money from student loans to fall back on.

Life in terms of money really sucks right now, and it doesn't look like it's going to get any better any time soon. I need to find myself a new job (or a second one) where I am getting paid more than minimum wage, so I can start making bigger payments now, so I can lower my debt BEFORE I have to start paying rent out of my own pocket.

Life is good.

Mini Vacation/Paul McCartney Concert

2009-08-18T16:59:00.003-04:00

A couple of months ago, I decided that before school started, I needed to go see my grandmother in Florida. I felt like by the end of the summer, I was just going to need a little vacation, and flying to Florida from Wilmington really isn't that expensive.

So, I left for my little mini vacation on Monday the 10th. I flew from Wilmywood to Orlando-Sanford and the flight was as smooth as one could ask. We were on time, there was no turbulence, and it was a very pleasant flight. When we landed, I had met up with my Aunt Kerri and my Uncle Louie, and we drove to my grandma's house in Palm Coast. We ended up staying in that night, and to be honest...it was perfect.

The next day, we went to go visit my Uncle Chip at his work. While we were there, he had come up with almost every excuse in the book to not come over to my grandma's house to hang out with us (let's give this guy a break....who really wants to hang out with a 73 year-old, a 53 year-old, and a 23 year-old?). But after we took him to lunch at T.G.I. Friday's (where all four of us proceeded to laugh the WHOLE time we were sitting at that table), he had decided that he may actually have some fun while hanging out with his mother, his sister, and his neice. So, later that night he came over, and he brought a couple of movies for us to watch. We decided to watch "The Family Stone" and after some technical difficulties (switching some T.V.s around so we could get the DVD player working right), we were finally able to watch it. It is actually a very good movie! I really liked it! After the movie, Grandma got a phone call from one of her friends. Well, what had happened was that this woman needed a couch to crash on, and so Grandma let her come over.

On Wednesday, it was my Grandma's birthday and when I woke up, the couch surfer was gone. Grandma had been able to get rid of her pretty early (I know that I am sounding quite rude by referring to this lady as a couch surfer and that we had to 'get rid of her' but really...that's the way it was). My aunt had got up about the same time that I did, and we ate breakfast...hung out in the kitchen...and waited for my uncle to get there. The four of us were going to go get some lunch at my grandma's favorite restaurant, but we couldn't leave until Chippy got there. After eating at Strauthmore's (or something like that), we went back to Grandma's house and hung out. I think we watched another movie, or maybe we just caused some trouble. Honestly, I don't really remember what we did until that night. That night, Chip had to go to work, and so Kerri, Grandma, and I watched "17 Again" and then we went to bed.

On Thursday, we needed to go to lunch at my grandma's friend's house. I really didn't want to go because this lady had been calling my grandma all week, and my grandma had really made the lunch sound sooooooo boring! Well, when we got there it ended up not being so bad. It actually ended up being a surprise Randy Elvis performance just for me!!!!!!!!! (Randy Elvis--for those of you who don't know--is an Elvis impersonator in Palm Coast, FL who is actually REALLY good. We went to see him last time I was in FL, and he wasn't supposed to be performing while I was there...but my grandma is awesome, and all of her friends put this surprise performance together for me. I love these people!). After lunch, we went back to grandma's house, and Chippy was there. We had decided not to go see a movie, and we rented a couple instead. So, Chip, Kerri, Grandma, and I watched "Hairspray." It felt so good to be sitting in the same room with three people that I love dearly, just relaxing, and watching a great movie. The only thing missing was Grandpa Phil, but I know that he was there in spirit.

The next day was a sad one, because it was time to leave. Grandma woke up early and made Kerri, Louie, and I breakfast and then we all hung out until it was time to go. As we packed up the car, and drove out of the driveway, it was heartbreaking to see my grandma standing in the driveway crying. I started crying as well. It is sad to leave the ones you love. I'll be going back soon enough though. I'm going to try my hardest to make it an annual thing. I love them so much, and Florida really is a nice place. :)

When I got back to Wilmington (after a 2 hour delay in Orlando because of rain/lightning), I went to work to get my paycheck, check my schedule, and then went to the bank to deposit my paycheck. After that, I went back home, unpacked my bag....repacked my bag, and waited for Lauren to get off work. We were on our way to Atlanta, GA for our trip to see Sir Paul McCartney in concert! The drive way an easy 6-hour drive with no real adventure in it. We did run into a burst of rain (which was totally weird) and we sang a bunch of songs from musicals, but other than that...Lauren and I are a pretty boring duo. Haha!

The day of the concert was great! We woke up early, wondered around downtown Atlanta looking for a Starbucks or somewhere else to eat some breakfast. We found a starbucks. We then wondered back to our hotel, hung out there for a bit, then decided to go to the park where Paul was playing. We rode the Marta (their version of NYC's subway) and then walked about 5 blocks to get to the entrance of the park. At 10:45 A.M. there was already a huge line (300 people or so), and so we got in the back of the line. What an interesting line that was! Full of Beatles crazed middle aged people, who loved to "one-up" each other. If they weren't talking about how they have been to Liverpool, or how many times they have seen Paul McCartney in concert, they were talking about the stores they used to own in which they only sold Beatles merchandise, or about the Beatles convention that was going on that weekend as well in Chicago. Weird people!

When we finally got in the park (at 4:00 in the afternoon), we had to wait another sixty years for the concert to start. The opening band was this awesome band from Dublin, Ireland called The Script. They made their way on stage at 7:00 pm, and played for about 20 minutes or so. They were fantastic! I don't know if it was because they were good, or if I was just so excited that there was some kind of action on stage....it doesn't matter. I plan on getting their album soon. Check them out!

Then after another wait of about 40 minutes, Paul FINALLY got on stage! And let me tell you this: Paul McCartney is a musical genius and I am so happy that I got to see him play live. This was the best experience of my life, and I pretty much cried the whole time. It was sooooooooooooooooooooooooooo good!!!!!! He sang a bunch of Beatles songs, his solo stuff, his new stuff, stuff from Wings. It was fantastic! I will never see a show that is better than that. Ever. Not even Hanson or New Kids On The Block will be able to beat out Paul McCartney (well, duh! haha!) Below, I have the set list of the show, in order that he sang them :)

ATLANTA SET LET 8-15-2009
Drive My Car
Jet
Only Mama Knows
Flaming Pie
Got To Get You Into My Life
Let Me Roll It
Highway
The Long And Winding Road
My Love
Blackbird (It started raining during this song. Like, POURING rain!)
Here Today
Dance Tonight
Calico Skies
Mrs Vanderbilt
Eleanor Rigby (Finally stopped raining here)
Sing The Changes
Band On The Run
Back In The USSR
I'm Down
Something (Paul had a screen behind him showing pictures of George Harrison while he sang this song--that was originally sung by George--brought tears to my eyes.)
I've Got A Feeling
Paperback Writer
A Day In The Life/Give Peace A Chance (the whole crowd held peace signs in the air and sang to Give Peace a Chance. Paul had the band stop playing and just let the crowd sing. Brought tears to my eyes.)
Let It Be
Live And Let Die (pyrotechnics show. FANTASTIC! Lauren's favorite part)
Hey Jude (also had the whole crowd singing. brought more tears to my eyes)
---
Day Tripper
Lady Madonna
I Saw Her Standing There
---
Yesterday
Helter Skelter
Get Back
Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band/The End

One cool thing about this show was that it was the anniversary of the show that the Beatles did at Shea Stadium in New York. It was also the anniversary of Woodstock (which isn't that cool because Paul -- or any of the other Beatles for that matter -- played at Woodstock, but still. That is pretty cool!). It was just a great day for a Paul McCartney concert!

Like I said....I will never ever see another show like this ever. It was such a great experience, and a once in a lifetime thing. A lifelong dream come true. *sigh*

WARNING!

2009-08-18T16:43:00.001-04:00

This is an amazing skit! Paul Rudd is SOO FUNNY!!!!

DO NOT WATCH IF YOU GET OFFENDED BY SWEAR WORDS!!!!! Parental Discretion is advised.

Wiis, Computers, Families

2009-08-09T21:50:00.002-04:00

Okay, so you guys know that I hate spending insanely amounts of money. Especially when I'm not spending that money on paying off my bills. HOWEVER, today was a day that a lot of money was spent.

In North Carolina, it's tax-free weekend. This means that things needed for school (supplies, computers, clothes, etc) are tax-free. It's amazing, and one of the biggest shopping weekends in NC. The great thing is, retailers usually have a big sale happening at the same time, so there are GREAT deals happening.

It just so happened that I picked out the deal of all deals today.

While I was at work, Lauren and I were perusing through the Sunday paper advertisements (as we usually do) and Lauren noticed something spectacular on the Best Buy ad. We always check Best Buy's ad (we are ALWAYS on the lookout for a new DVD, or TV series to watch, and a good price on a Sony digital camera for me), and so the fact that it had slipped by me shocked me. On the COVER of the little booklet was an HP Pavilion laptop computer with 6 GB memory, and 500 GB hard drive (or something like that) AND a Wii for $850 if bought together. The great thing about this deal? The normal price for that computer was $950, so the buyer would basically be saving $100 on a computer AND getting a free Wii.

Well, I've been in the market for a new computer for a while now (all summer actually) AND I've been wanting a Wii ever since the damn things were released. So, I did it. I bought the computer and I got the Wii. :)

It was a very verve racking experience for me while paying for the computer and the Wii. I almost hyperventalated. It reminded me of sitting in the car dealer's office at Menlove Toyota when I was in the final stages of buying Connie. I'm just not the type of person to throw down that much cash. However, I need the computer, and the Wii was pretty much free. I'm happy I did it. Now, I just have to save up a ton of cash to get the Beatles Rock Band game!

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

I have had this feeling the past couple of days that my family back home is avoiding me. I have called home, and no one answers. Understandable. They may be busy, at work, or just not want to talk to me. But usually, when they see that I have called, they are very good at getting back to me that day. When I am able to get a hold of someone, they act like they don't want to talk, or I am burdening them because they have something else that they would rather be doing. My sister isn't answering my texts, and my mom doesn't seem happy while we are talking. It's starting to bug the hell out of me. I WISH THEY WOULD TALK TO ME, DAMN IT!

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Now that all that stuff is off of my chest....I best be signing off. I leave for Florida tomorrow to spend four days with my wonderful grandmother and aunt, and I've got lots to get done and sorted out before I go. Hope that all is well on your ends!

2009-08-06T05:59:00.002-04:00

Yesterday, I was in a bit of a funk. I had the day off, and I spent it worrying about the things I normally worry about (money, work, school, etc) and I became very anxious. I tried reading for a bit to take my mind off of everything, and when that didn't work...I tried to watch Dawson's Creek. Well, that didn't work (if anything it made it worse, seeing as how my two favorite characters broke up), and so I took a walk to the river. The weather was very warm, and only a little humid, plus there was a very nice breeze, so sitting outside was tolerable. Nice, even.

While I sat out there, I tried to think of the reason as to why I am in this little funk. I think that I have figured it out.

Ever since I was 15 years old, I have held up a job. Each job that I have had, I have had a tremendous amount of responsibility. On top of that, I was also in school. When I wasn't working, or at school, I always had someone to hang out with, or something that I could have been doing. When I started college, I was working full-time for Roots, as well as going to school full-time, AND still found time to have a social life (while keeping grades up, I should add). For years, I have had so much responsibility, and those responsibilities always kept my plate full.

Since moving out here, I have found a job where I only work 30 hours a week. If I'm lucky. I get paid minimum wage, and there is no way in hell I would be able to stay afloat if it weren't for the student loans that I am able to live off of. As of right now, I'm not in school (only 13 more days until I am though...CAN'T WAIT!) and I have no responsibilities (well, besides making sure bills are paid on time, and keeping the house clean). My plate is empty, and it's making me restless.

I am the type of person that needs to have a lot of stuff to be doing, so that I feel like I am in control. I like to be busy, and I like to have people depend on me. Right now, I feel like my life is spinning out of my control and that is something that I can't handle. But really, my life is fine. I've just got WAY too much time on my hands. At work, I'm a nobody. I'm a barista was is getting paid minimum wage. They don't need me, they don't rely on me, and they sure as hell don't care about me. And that's a hard hit to face after coming from a job where a lot of things depended on me, and they relied on me, and they all cared about me.

I am also the type of person that likes to take care of people. I like to be some one's confidant, their rock, their go-to-person. I think that is one of the reasons why I was stuck in a lot of very bad friendships back home. Even though they treated me like crap, I felt like they needed me. They needed me because they needed someone to talk to, and someone to be their moral, social, and emotional support. Out here, I'm no body's rock. I'm no one's confidant. I'm nothing. I don't have the responsibility to be there for anyone, and that is unnerving. It's like, I have finally found a friend that I can spend all of my time with, yet I feel like she doesn't NEED me. I feel like we don't have the kind of conversations that I would like to have (deep, thought-provoking, emotional, ones), and that we kind of skirt around getting too close to each other. Maybe it's because we know that one day, we won't be living right next door to each other anymore, and we don't want to get hurt.

I can't wait for school to start. Then I can be busy again, and always have something to do. I won't have days off anymore, and I won't have to feel like I'm wasting time, or I'm useless. Because I'll have studying to do. And I think, this year, I'm going to try to find something to be involved in. That way I can meet new people, and Lauren and I can have a new friend.

My mini-vacay to Florida is coming up quickly, and just in time. I need a break from Wilmington. :)

i've GOT to stop watching this show

2009-08-05T02:01:00.002-04:00

Okay. Okay. I'm still up and it's 2:02 in the morning.

Why am I still awake and blogging? I just watched an amazing episode of Dawson's Creek.

Because I don't want to be lame, and have ten billion blogs about this show that is ten years old...I won't go into detail about how amazing this one episode was. But I will tell you that the situation that they portrayed was done beautifully. It's a situation that I hope just a tiny fraction of it will play out for me. Does that make sense? Probably not since I'm half awake, mesmerized by this show, and annoyed at my roommate's dog (my roommate left for the night, and her dog won't shut up! It keeps whining, and it won't relax. Next time my roommate decides she is going to stay over at his house, she is taking her dog with her so I can get some rest--or watch DC in peace!).

Now, I'm going to go to bed (if I can sleep through the whining) and then wake up and have a nice relaxing day watching Dawson's Creek, and spending some time by the river. I can almost positively say that you can expect a blog from me tomorrow as well. :p

Goodnight.

A new hobby???

2009-08-04T22:23:00.002-04:00

I think I want to learn how to sail.

I just wish that a) I was rich and could afford a boat AND afford sailing lessons and b) I would have thought about this at the beginning of the summer.

I guess it's something that I can start to think about for next summer. Give me a reason to look forward to a long, boring, drawn out summer :P

The Creek

2009-07-30T05:45:00.002-04:00

Lately I have been watching "Dawson's Creek." This is a show that I never got into when I was younger because I didn't get the channel when it first started, and when we finally got the WB, I was always working the night that it was on. Plus, at that time, I wasn't really into dramas...although I know that I would have loved this show just as much back then, as I do now.

The great thing about "Dawson's Creek" is that Capeside, Massachusetts is ACTUALLY Wilmington, North Carolina. That's right! They filmed it here. It's cool to watch it, and see that some of the same areas, buildings, and outside settings are also used for "One Tree Hill," and in one episode they were at the "A Walk To Remember" church. The interior of Capeside High is also the interior of Tree Hill High, as well. It's fun to see where the shows overlap. This show has really made me fall in love with Wilmington all over again. Lately, I've been bored here, and I haven't been able to see the beauty that this town actually does posses. It's like I've lost sight in how absolutely beautiful this town, it's buildings, the river, UNCW, and the ocean actually is. Now, thanks to "Dawson's Creek," I've been able to see Wilmington on screen, and when I walk around and see the same sights that these fictional teens have seen in their town, and I see them through a different light. It's as if Wilmington has a new, different, romantic vibe to it.

Another great thing about these teens from Capeside is their vocabulary and their ability to tell each other how they feel, or what's on their minds. Don't get me wrong. I know that this show is very fictional, and I know that the show is written by professional writers, and that people don't actually talk like these kids do, but I wish I could. They speak so fast, and have such a huge vocabulary. They speak eloquently and with grace. I wish I could talk like them....with that vocabulary, and have it come out of my mouth as easily as it does theirs. Lately, I've been stumbling over my words (a lot, actually) and it's frustrating because I feel completely stupid when that happens. Also, these characters take the risk that most people would never do in real life, and that risk is that they tell each other how they feel about everything. Relationships, friendships, etc. After watching this show, and watching these fictional teens have the ability to talk through anything, I have decided that this a social skill that I need to practice.

Personalities like mine tend to fall in love with fictional characters (hey, if we can't find love in real life...it's best to turn to movies/books). Don't we all have at least one fictional character that we have fallen in love with at one point in our lives? Throughout my life, I've "been in love" with Marty McFly from "Back to the Future," Steve from "Full House," Troy from "High School Musical," Landon from "A Walk To Remember," and more recently Pacey Whitter from "Dawson's Creek." This character, Pacey, is the type of person that I would LOVE to have in my life. He is funny, witty, loyal, a great friend, protective, and sticks up for what he believes in. He is so strong, and someone who you can depend on. He is the type of person who will be there for you through thick and thin, and to be honest...he is someone that I wish I could find in real life. When Pacey has a girlfriend (so far, he has only had two...give me a break, I'm only on season three), he looks at her in a certain way -- a certain look that I've always wanted to receive. He says the right things to her, but he's not just saying them because he is a teenage boy and he is trying to get her in bed. He is genuine and says what he feels. OH! And, as of where I am in the series, he just bought a boat that he is fixing up. If this boat thing continues throughout the series...dare I say?...Pacey may be the perfect man.

But then I have to remember that he is a character that has been created by a group of writers, producers, etc for entertainment purposes. He isn't real. They don't make real boys like Pacey Whitter.

Just as I have to remember that all of the other characters are fictional beings, and they have professional writers penning all of their conversations for them.

Just as I have to remember that even though Wilmington is where they filmed the show, Capeside is a fictional town.

But that doesn't mean that I can't love the show :P

Thought Provoking Dream

2009-07-26T05:28:00.003-04:00

If some random stranger had heard your back story, and then decided that they wanted to personally help you out.....would you let them?

Bear with me...it's 5:30 in the morning, and I only got about 4 hours of sleep. I just need to get this out of my brain before I go to work.

I had a dream last night that I was working in my coffee shop (although the actual building itself wasn't my coffee shop) and that I had started talking to one of my customers (who was this lady that I have never seen before in my life). This lady was very interested in my life story and kept asking me numerous questions. She seemed particularly interested in the fact that I was 23 years old, working for minimum wage in a coffee shop, and was basically living off of student loans to survive and get myself that Special Education degree. She wanted to know how much debt I had racked up since I graduated high school, and then she said that she wanted to talk to my mother. Even though I thought it was kinda crazy...I had let her call my mother, and after she got done on the phone with my mom, this lady turned to me and said "As long as you are attending UNCW and working toward that degree, you will never have to worry about money." The words of this dream-woman had confused the dream-me and so I asked her this question to clarify: "I'm sorry, but what exactly are you talking about?" And this is what she told me: "I am going to pay for all of your schooling, rent, utilities, and car expenses for your last two years at UNCW. I'm also going to take care of all of your outstanding student loans." And this is when my alarm went off.

While I was in the shower, I started to think about this. I became very uncomfortable. Although this scenario would never ever happen in real life (to me anyway), I had started to think about what my reaction would be IF someone were to come up to me and tell me that they were just going to take care of everything. It would be so awesome to have someone come up to me and say the words that this dream-lady said to me, but would I take the offer? I'm the type of person that likes to work hard, doesn't like to take charities (it's really hard for me to ask for help, accept help when offered, or accept really expensive gifts from people), and I'd like to believe that I have control over my money situation. I may be thousands in debt (credit card, AND student loan), at least I know that currently I'm making the payments that I can make to lower the balances.

I guess the answer to my own question is this: I think that if someone came up to me in real life, and threw me that offer....I don't think that I could refuse it. I would personally see to it that I would help out this person in anyway that I can to pay her back (or in a perfect world, she would want me to pay it forward).

And now that I have written a bunch of nonsense that probably isn't making any sense at all....I'm going to go to work :/ HAPPY SUNDAY!

P.S. I still have a very strong love/hate relationship with weekends.

I'm going to start a team at UNCW

2009-07-23T14:15:00.001-04:00

Bliss

2009-07-20T13:19:00.000-04:00

HANSON IS GOING ON TOUR AGAIN THIS FALL, AND THEY ARE STOPPING NEAR ME!

THIS IS SOOOOOOOOOOOO EXCITING!

Happy Morning

2009-07-17T11:30:00.003-04:00

It is currently 11:36 AM in beautiful Wilmington, North Carolina, and I have been productive!!! I've already been to the DMV to get the address on my driver's license changed, and I've changed my address on my vehicle registration. It feels good to know that I only have two more places to notify about my address change (car insurance and my school), and after that...I won't have to do that for at least two more years.

I got a text message from my little sister about ten minutes ago. It said "Good morning sisser! I misses you!" It brought a huge smile to my face! My little sister never tells me that she misses me, and this morning she felt like she needed to let me know. It felt good. I miss that little brat!

What else? What else? OH! I've finally gotten a power cord for my laptop, so I've been able to catch up on blogs that I haven't been able to read. It's been good to read what my friends in UT are up to. I've felt like I've been out of the loop a little bit. Now if only I could convince a couple more of my friends to keep up a blog (ahem...Brooke....Michelle....Hayley.....Carolyn....) I would really feel like I'm in the loop!

Today is payday! Yay!

24 more days until I leave for Florida to celebrate my Grandma's birthday! Yay!

a blog about Hanson (yes, another one)

2009-07-16T22:48:00.000-04:00

Reasons why I love those 3 boys from Tulsa, OK:

1- Listening to their music always puts me in a great mood. Doesn't matter if I'm totally depressed, really angry, uber pissed, lonely...whatever...I just put a Hanson album on, and after the first chorus of the first song, I'm back to my cheerful, happy self.

2- They are AMAZING musicians! They know how to play numerous instruments, and know how to play them well.

3- They are in total control of their music. They write everything. They play everything. They sing everything. They record everything. They mix everything. They do it all!

4- They are humanitarians who do a lot of charity work. They are a great example of getting involved and doing your part to change the world.

5- They are family men. All 3 of them are married (damn!) and have childrem (double damn!!). They still live in Tusla, OK, which is where they grew up. And that obviously means they are around family all the time.

6- They are the best band I have ever seen play live. They sound EXACTLY the same live as they do on their albums.

7- They have GREAT hair!!! Especially Zac!

That's enough for now :)

My ramblings

2009-07-15T11:57:00.003-04:00

Today is a day where I am just going to type whatever the hell comes to my mind. I've had a lot that I've needed to say, and I'm just going to let it all out in my blog...because really...there isn't another place to let all of this out.

-Technology: As much as I love it, I hate it all the same. Thanks to PDAs, cell phones, internet, social websites, blogs, news websites (and the ability to comment on said things very easily) I feel like people think that they have the right and the liberty to say whatever the hell it is that they want to say. Don't get me wrong...I'm not saying that they aren't allowed to say what they want. It's a free country and we have the first amendment that allows us to say anything. What I am saying is that now, people have no mercy. They don't care what they say, or how they say it, or even who they may be hurting in the process of saying things. For example: I was youtubing some videos from Michael Jackson's memorial to put on my blog, and some of the comments that people had said on some of the videos were sooooo rude. On one of the videos I found of little Paris talking at the memorial, people had written things like "She is going to be such a slut when she grows up" or "She is an animatronic robot! Look at one of the Jacksons turn her volume up on her back!" How rude is that? Seriously. This poor little girl was just saying some things about her father at his memorial, and all people can do is rip her apart. And it doesn't stop there. People write mean things about each other all the time. Whether it be in celebrity blogs, news articles, personal blogs, whatever. It's rude. In the long run, and in the grand scheme of things, people's opinions really don't matter. Mine doesn't matter, Perez Hilton's doesn't matter, Jo Blow from youtube doesn't matter. No ones. I'm trying to stay away from all of the mean things that people say, because frankly I'm tired of it. Maybe I'm a little old fashioned, but I believe what my mother used to tell me: "If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all." I'd rather bite my tongue than write or speak ill of someone.
One more thing about technology is this: We have lost the art of speaking face-to-face, or even over the phone. And I have fallen victim to this. Most people I know, would MUCH rather text others, or facebook them, or talk to them via IM. I'm one of them. A part of me absolutely HATES talking on the phone. But thanks to a recent event, I'm going to try to change that. This recent event? A good friend of mine (who is someone I would consider to be one of my best friends) recently got engaged. Instead of CALLING me to tell me over the phone, he sent out a MASS text to all of his friends, and then proceeded to tell us that if we wanted an invite to his wedding, WE needed to facebook HIM. I personally think that's a little backwards. I thought that the friendship between him and I ran more deeply than a MASS TEXT message about his engagement. That hurts that he didn't call me to tell me (and he still hasn't. It's been 3 weeks). But what really hurts more, is that I have to contact him in order to be invited to his wedding. I just don't think that it should work that way. I think that if he wants me there, he would invite me on his own accord....not after I tell him I want to go. I guess my friendship with him wasn't as good as I thought it was.

-The next thing I want to ramble about is this: I've been REALLY bored with the way my life has been going right now. I know that a lot of it is because I'm not in school, so all I have been doing is working, and hanging out, but I'm BORED! I do the same things day in and day out. I wake up, eat breakfast, go to the gym, run some errands, take a shower, get ready for work, go to work, come home, go to bed. It's getting a little old. I really just can't wait for school to start again. I was talking to my mom about this, and she was telling me that I probably feel this way because I'm ready to move on in life...go to the next chapter, but right now...I'm in limbo. I still have a long time before I can move on (2 years because of school), and I'm just waiting until then. Especially right now. Since I didn't take any summer classes (because I couldn't afford them), I am literally WAITING. I'm not working toward anything. I'm not doing anything special. I'm waiting. I'm just counting down each day until I go to Florida, then the Paul McCartney concert, and then two days after that I start school again. I'm ANXIOUSLY awaiting school. I'm actually becoming truly impatient. I know it will come faster than I think it will, but seriously. It's time to start my life again.

***DO NOT READ IF YOU HAVEN'T SEEN HARRY POTTER AND THE HALF-BLOOD PRINCE AND YOU INTEND ON DOING SO*****
-I said it last night, and I'll say it again. Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince is amazing. The only thing that could have made it a little better is if they didn't stray from the book as much as they did. They added a bunch of scenes, and the ending wasn't as epic as it could have been. They totally fucked up the ending....but it works. I'm not impressed with it, but when I distant myself from the book, the movie ends up being really awesome.

Harry Potter?

2009-07-15T03:20:00.000-04:00

I just wanted to take a quick minute before bed to say this:

Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince DOES NOT disappoint!

It's an amazing movie.

It just didn't follow the book as well as it should have. Especially the end.

Good night!

My love/hate relationship

2009-07-12T05:30:00.002-04:00

I have a love/hate relationship with weekends.

When I think of the word weekend, I think of a period of three days (or two days and an evening) where one is finally allowed to relax, have fun, and let their hair hang down. I think of sleeping in, and not going to work. I think of fun trips to the beach, going out on a boat, weekend getaways. I think of sitting out on my front porch with my BFW, drinking tea (or coffee, or whatever it is we feel like drinking). I think of riding bikes around town while the weather is still nice. And most importantly, I think of stress-free relaxation, and doing absolutely nothing.

Unfortunately, in this point in time in my life, my weekends are almost the EXACT opposite of what I have mentioned above. I usually have to work all three days of weekend. And, if I am lucky enough to get one of those days off, it's a Friday and I spend most of that day waiting for Lauren and Laura to get home from work, so I will have someone to hang out with. Here is a typical weekend for Brandy:

Friday: Usually, I have to close my store on Fridays. So, I go through with my usual morning routine (wake up, eat breakfast, go to the gym, take a shower, catch up on the previous night's Late Night with Jimmy Fallon, eat lunch), and then I go to work. I get off work at 8:30 on a good night, and then depending on how crazy Lauren and I feel like getting, we may watch a movie.

Saturday: Saturdays are so close to being the perfect weekend day, it's almost heartbreaking. On Saturdays, I wake up, text Lauren to tell her that I'm awake, make a pot of coffee, wait for Lauren to come over, sit on my front porch and drink said coffee with Lauren, walk down to the Farmer's Market by the river, take a shower (or go to the beach....depends on the day), and then hang out/relax with Lauren. Here is where Saturdays become the WORST. At 5:00 pm (when I should be getting ready to grill something for dinner), I go to work in the bakery. And I'm there until about 11:45 at night. The bakery job sucks, but I'm getting paid $10 an hour, and I love the paycheck I get from doing it. I hate the hours, I hate how hot it gets, I hate how my body feels the next day...I just hate it.

Sunday: After only getting about 4 hours of a very restless sleep, I wake up and take a shower. Why is my sleep so restless? I'm afraid of truly falling asleep because I am afraid that I won't hear my alarms and that I won't wake up for work. After my shower and after I get ready for work, I leave my house at 6:00 am, to get to work. Then, I work until noon, and after that I usually lay around and am finally able to have the rest of the day doing things that I feel should be done all weekend long. Which is usually hang out with Lauren, watching our latest TV on DVD (right now, we are watching Eastbound and Down AS WELL AS Friday Night Lights....these shows aren't as good as One Tree Hill and Gossip Girl, but they'll do for now).

I can't wait until I have finally graduated college, have started teaching, and feel like I make enough to pay for all my bills so I don't have to have a second job on the side (which is what is going to end up happening after graduation, I'm sure. Especially with all of these student loans that I have racked up). When I am finally in career mode, and I can FINALLY have evenings and weekends off...life will be perfect :)

2009-07-11T14:07:00.001-04:00

You have got to watch this video! Everyone is SO awkward in it!

my last blog about the King of Pop

2009-07-08T12:07:00.004-04:00

Everybody is blogging about Michael Jackson, his death, his legacy, and now his memorial service. I just got done watching the end of the beautiful service (I had to work yesterday and so we DVRed it) and now I can't hold myself together. The moment I sat down to continue watching where I had left off, I fell apart. His was such a wonderful boy man who had graced this world with his music, dancing, humanitarian work, and just his presence. Michael's music has touched every single one of us. He has been there for all of us through the good times and bad, through his music. He has challenged us to become better people, and better world citizen through his music.

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Wait...before I go on, I have to say something:

The death of Michael Jackson has hurt billions of people. Around the globe. I know that for some reason, in this society, we believe that we have to one-up one another. In this time of grieving that EVERYONE is going through, we need to respect each way that everyone mourns, and not try to out-do others. I've been struggling with the loss of MJ since the day it happened. I have cried. A lot. I know that others have been going through the same thing. Who's to say that I'm hurting more than they are?

Now that I've got that part off of my chest........I'll continue.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I had a hard time keeping myself together during the memorial. Stevie Wonder's performance. Jennifer Hudson's performance of my favorite song was AMAZING! I had started crying so hard that my roommate had to ask me if I was okay.

Usher's performance of "Gone Too Soon," and watching him choke up at the end of the song made me start to cry all over again.

My favorite performance during the memorial??? This part:

Listening to Brooke Shields speak about Michael helped us put human qualities to the musical legend we know him as. She said that she never collaborated with Michael, she never did a video with Michael, she never wrote a song. But what they did do was laugh. I don't know about you guys, but that touched me. I'm glad she got up there to speak.

The words, spoken by Rev. Al Sharpton were the second best that were spoken at the memorial "I want his three children to know: There was nothing strange about your daddy. It was strange what your daddy had to deal it." I believe those words with all my heart.

"Ever since I was born, Daddy has been the best father you can imagine. And I just want to say, I love him...so much." Spoken by Paris Jackson. The absolute BEST words that were said during Michael's memorial. Those words are what really broke me apart. Not only is the world losing a musical genius, but this little girl, and her two brothers are losing their father. They now have a whole life to live without their father. They are more hurt than anyone else in this world.

Seeing MJ's three kids sitting in the front row with the rest of his family, was one of the most heartbreaking things for me. They are his CHILDREN. They have lost their FATHER. It's so sad! Little Paris, getting her courage to say what she needed to say. Little Blanket, holding a Michael Jackson doll throughout the entire service. And Prince Michael, showing love and support for both of his siblings while they were on stage at the end. You can tell these children were loved by Michael, and had a close relationship with him. The kind of relationship every child should have with their father. Watch this video:

This is the last time I'll write about Michael. I am going to try and refrain from doing so, because I don't want to bore you guys, or try to put my two sense in about what people say about him anymore, or how much I love the man, or how much his music means to me. We are all saying it, and we are hearing it from many outlets, and you don't need to hear it from me.

But before I end this, I do have to say this:

I love you Michael Jackson. Always have, always will. I stood behind you 110% during all the crazy stuff happened, and got into many arguments with people while I was defending you, and your name. You are the greatest entertainer that ever lived. Thank you for your music, your genius, and for sharing it with all of us. May you Rest In Peace, and may God bless you and your family forever. I love you with all my heart.

Clever

2009-07-06T15:38:00.001-04:00

2009-07-06T14:07:00.001-04:00

a quickie

2009-07-06T13:53:00.001-04:00

Two things really quickly:
1- I just watched the episode of Conan O'Brien with guest Snoop Dogg. And let me just tell you this: Snoop Dogg is the freaking shit! He is such a cool guy!

2- Watch this video"

Probably one of the best birthdays ever

2009-07-01T13:25:00.002-04:00

Monday was my 23rd birthday. Yay for being 23!

I woke up kinda late on Monday, and came out to the living room where my roommate was situated on her computer. She yells out Happy Birthday to me, and asks me if I had pre-ordered the new Hanson DVD that is going to be released soon. I told her I hadn't, and she said "Good. Don't." THANKS LAURA!!!!!!!!!! I LOVE Hanson DVDs! She and I have really only known each other for about a month now, but I feel like she knows me pretty well. I think this is mostly because I'm an open book, and I talk a lot :/ haha! I sat down on the couch, and then she says to me "I think you should go out on the porch." This is not normally something that one roommate would say to the other right after she sits down on the couch, so reluctantly I got up and opened the front door. THERE WERE TWO ROCKING CHAIRS SITTING ON MY FRONT PORCH with a card attached to them. I opened the card and saw who they were from (like I even needed the card to find out), and they were from Lauren. She REALLY knows me well!

So, the first ten minutes of my birthday were sooooooo amazing! A Hanson DVD and rocking chairs! Needless to say, I only needed one more thing: Paul McCartney tickets. And guess what was going on sale at 10:00 on my birthday. PAUL MCCARTNEY TICKETS! And guess who ordered some for herself? I'M GOING TO GO SEE PAUL MCCARTNEY PLAY LIVE!!! I GET TO SEE HIM IN CONCERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG!!! I'm freaking out! STILL! This is the biggest thing that I have ever dreamed of! I have wanted to see him live ever since BEFORE I was born (haha) and this is a total dream come true!!!! Lauren and I are going to drive from Wilmington to Atlanta, GA on August 14, see the show on the 15th, and drive home the 16th. Oh man I CAN'T WAIT! That week is going to be epic because before then, I'll be in Florida visiting my grandma and my uncle and aunt. Yay!

So, a Hanson DVD, rocking chairs, and Paul McCartney concert tickets. There really was nothing more that I could ask for. But I feel like the day kept getting better.

A co-worker (Mariel) and I had made plans to go to Ft. Fisher beach and hang out there all day. Another friend of mine, Wes, said that he would go with us. He just had to meet us there because he had to leave earlier than the rest of us. Megan (another co-worker) was going to meet us at the beach a little later, because she had to work in the morning. Mariel and I stopped to get some yummy chips, and some ice for our cooler full of drinks. When we got to the beach, we set up our chairs and towels, and Wes joined us. And we spent the afternoon at the beach. It was nice to just be able to sit there with three of my good Wilmington friends, chat with them, relax with them, and soak up some rays. We spent a good four or so hours at the beach, before we finally decided that it was time to pack up because we had a cookout to get ready for!

The cookout was fun! We grilled burgers and hot dogs, we ate, we laughed, we danced, we played video games, and we played Cranium. Oh man....Cranium. It's a fantastic game, but it's an intense one and not for the faint of hearted.....or for those who take it a little too seriously.

Julianna called me during my party and had her family sing Happy Birthday to me. I started to cry. Right now, they are all on a houseboat on some lake in Oregon for Janet and Neil's kiddiemoon, and it meant sooooo much to me to have them take time out of their busy vacation schedule to sing to me. It really felt nice!

Man, this birthday was awesome!

Dealing With It/Should I Do It?

2009-06-28T05:25:00.004-04:00

The past couple of days, I've been listening to nothing else except Michael Jackson. I don't know about you guys, but the death of this man has really affected me. I've taken this a lot harder than I thought I would. And I know that if I can't deal with THIS, then I can't even imagine the way I'll react to the death of Paul McCartney (which hasn't happened....knock on wood!!!). The way I've grieving is by watching MJ videos (especially Friday) and listening to his music non-stop. I am having a hard time watching tributes, or listening to what other people have to say about him because I'm terrified they will say something bad that is going to set me off (like that bitch from the Today Show on Friday morning....and Fox News and their tweet). I think I've done my share of crying...I may be past that point. But on Friday...I was a wreck! I could hardly watch the videos or listen to my favorite songs without crying like a little baby. I'm much better now, I can get through a day without tearing up. Yesterday was a good day, and now as I sit here, before work, listening to him...I am able to listen to not be completely depressed.

My biggest regret (which really isn't a regret because I never even had the opportunity) that I have regarding Michael Jackson is that I was never able to see him perform live. As I listen to his music (music that I've grown up with...as with everyone else), I can just picture the way he would have performed some of the songs. I've been lucky enough to watch most of his performances on Super Bowls and Awards Shows, but I've never been able to witness the magic myself. This depresses me sooooo much!!!

So, in an effort to see EVERY SINGLE ONE of my favorite artists so I won't have this regret...I can't help but notice that Paul McCartney is going on a very short (let me rephrase this...EXTREMELY SHORT) US Tour. He is playing in Boston, MA and Atlanta, GA. Rumor has it, he will add a show in DC. The worst seats in the house are surprisingly affordable...and I'm SERIOUSLY considering it. It's fucking PAUL MCCARTNEY! I have a feeling that if I don't take this opportunity now, I'll never get another chance. Maybe that will be my birthday present to myself....Paul McCartney concert tickets.

Man, I have a lot of thinking to do.

Just had to throw this in

2009-06-25T21:48:00.001-04:00

Hanson's tweet about the death of Michael Jackson:

"It is difficult to think of a more impact full loss from the passing of an icon, than that of Michael Jackson...His entire 40 year career has been one of the greatest inspirations to our music. In the early part of our career he and his brothers helped motivate us to pursue music regardless of our age. He was an unequaled talent who set the bar for how music can effect the world...We join the millions of music fans, mourning the passing of this true great!"
- Taylor, Isaac and Zac Hanson

One of the Saddest Days in Music History

2009-06-25T21:23:00.004-04:00

As you all very well know by now, The King of Pop, Michael Jackson, has died at age 50. After finding out about this news, I truly started crying.

Growing up, my mother was a Michael Jackson fan. She had been a fan ever since she was little with the Jackson 5, and the love she had for him and his brothers had been passed on to me and my sisters.

I remember when my older sister first got Michael's "Dangerous" album on cassette tape. She used to play that all the time, and I used to love to sit outside her bedroom listening to it. (I was never allowed in...she was one of THOSE sisters).

I remember watching the Grammy's one year and BEGGING my mom to let me stay up to watch MJ's performance. (and I remember being TOTALLY exhausted at school the next day, but told myself it was worth it).

I remember the year he performed "Will You Be There?" on an awards show, and the big angel came down on the stage and wrapped it's wings around Michael...I also remember crying because the song had moved me so much, and I remember watching tears fall from my mother's face as well. That song is still her absolute favorite MJ song.

I remember listening to "Remember The Time" for the very first time, and absolutely falling in love with it. It's still my favorite Michael song and music video.

OH! And his music videos!!!!! How can anyone forget those pieces of art?????

This is a sad day. And I hope that Michael Jackson can rest in peace, I hope the anonymity of his children is respected, and I hope that people look past all of the strange things this man has done in the past and start to respect the man again. He deserves it.

I love you Michael! Then, Now, and Always!

I must also take the time to acknowledge two other deaths that has happened this week:

The beautiful and talented Farrah Fawcett. She fought a tough battle....I'm sorry the cancer won.

The funny and totally awesome Ed McMahon. Comedy will miss you (and I'll miss seeing those big checks)

Rest In Peace.

Life after Graduation

2009-06-24T16:00:00.002-04:00

I haven't graduated college yet.

I won't graduate college for another 2 years.

But it's fun to think about what I'm going to do with my life after I've graduated.

The possibilities are ENDLESS!

I can join the Peace Corps, Teach for America, get a job, move to a different state, move home, go to grad school, etc.

It's so fun putting myself in different situations and researching different things. Today, as I was talking to Carolyn, I had decided that San Fransisco would be a fun place to go next. San Fran, or San Diego. New York would be fun!

We will just have to see where live takes me after my Southern Adventure.

3 Important Life Lessons

2009-06-21T05:44:00.003-04:00

There are 3 things that I MUST learn:
1- My Elvis picture isn't going to hang anymore...not matter what I do.
2- Getting out of debt doesn't happen overnight.
3- Losing weight ALSO doesn't happen overnight.
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Elaborations:

1- I have this picture of Elvis that I was lucky enough to find for pretty cheap at TJMaxx in SLC last year. It's not a framed picture, yet it also is not a regular old poster. It's just this picture...made out of some kind of cardboard or something. ANYWAY, a couple of months ago...the back of the picture broke a little, and fell off my wall (funny how things keep doing that, eh?) Well, I tried to fix it with some trusty duct tape, and it worked! For about a day and a half. I came home from work on Friday night and it was on the floor...still broken. Apparently, duct tape does not fix everything!

2- I make payments, and make payments, and make payments...yet I feel as if my credit card debt is STILL NOT GETTING LOWER! I don't use the damn things, and yet, I feel as if I am getting no where. I understand that if I made a little more money, that I would be able to send bigger payments and then maybe some progress would be shown, but I just can't do that right now. And I'm okay with it. It is just frustrating to open up a credit card bill, and see the exact same balance as last month's bill. But, paying off credit card debt (or any debt for that matter) is a gradual process that does not happen overnight (unless you are able to pay off the whole thing...which would be awesome!). Maybe I should be on the Wheel of Fortune. That way I can win enough money to at LEAST make a dent in paying off a credit card (because no one leaves that show empty handed...they leave with at least $1,000).

3- I feel like no matter how hard I try, I just can't shake this excess weight off of my body. Especially in the chest area. I want to lose weight, and am working hard to do so...but today...I'm just a little discouraged :)

Anyway...I must be signing off. Today is Sunday and I'm going to be working a full 6 hour shift, get off at noon, and maybe go see Year One. :)

2009-06-18T23:01:00.000-04:00

So I'm watching this movie called "Hackers" with my roommate at the moment. I'm bored out of my mind, and find that this movie is actually very, very crappy. But what I find really funny about this incredibly horrendous movie is that the most random actors are in it. Angelina Jolie, Jesse Bradford, Matthew Lillard, Mark Anthony, the guy who plays the scientist in Short Circuit, the tall guy from Penn & Teller. It's.quite insane actually!

Anyway, I just wanted to let you know...and I wanted to pass the time...because this movie really sucks :/

June Update.

2009-06-18T12:04:00.003-04:00

Alright....I guess now is my time to update....

Ever since the first of June, I've been extremely happy! I moved from my apartment with Eric, and into a little house in downtown Wilmington with this great girl named Laura. I love this house! I love living with Laura! I love living right next door to Lauren! And, I LOVE Laura's two dogs. I'm sure I've said this before, but I feel more at home in this house (which I have lived in for only 18 days) than I ever did in my apartment with Eric....or even the last apartment I lived in while still living in SLC. It's nice to WANT to come home after a day of work, and knowing that I'm not going to have to spend the rest of the night locked up in my bedroom. I feel comfortable walking around, and using the living room, and more importantly...being in the kitchen. I LOVE BEING IN THE KITCHEN WITHOUT ANYONE LOOKING OVER MY SHOULDER AND TELLING ME THAT I DO EVERYTHING WRONG!

It's nice living downtown too. Lauren and I will take walks after we get off work, instead of going to the gym. And I like doing that instead because we get to look at all of the cute historical houses. I'm obsessed with every single one of them. Most of them have the CUTEST porches!

Speaking of cute porches, I now have one! I've been on a frantic search trying to find the best outdoor rocking chairs. I can't find any that I can afford anywhere. Craigslist is no good, the garage sales that I have been to have been HORRIBLE! The rocking chairs that I have seen have been ugly, and not what I've been looking for. So I'm still saving up my tips from work, that way each time I go looking for some, my budget goes up just a little more :) Soon, I'll find the perfect ones, and soon I'll have pictures to show you :)

In addition to a new cute porch, I also have a little backyard with a really cute deck. Lauren bought a little grill, and we have ourselves a little cookout. She is a really great cook, and I'm starting to feel bad because she literally is the one who cooks up our dinners for us....when she and I have dinners at least. I need to get myself in the kitchen even more than I have been and actually start COOKING something. Maybe soon, I'll make Lauren and I some cube steaks. I bought some a long time ago, and I had my mom send me instructions on how to make it like she does (because that's my favorite meal that she makes). So...I think I'll practice on the meats that I have, and then I'll get better at it when I finally make it for Lauren and I.

Work is still going great. I'm now working in the PCJ bakery on Saturday nights, and I love it! The only downfall about working in the bakery is that we get done pretty late, and I have to be at work at my store at 6:30 in the morning, and I've been finding it hard to get to sleep after working in the bakery. So I go to work on Sunday mornings pretty tired. Exhausted, actually. Haha. And, then my performance goes down a little, but I'm slowly getting used to my schedule. I'm just thankful that work is going well for me right now, when other people are having hard times keeping their jobs.

Movies so far this summer have been FANTASTIC! I have seen Star Trek (and I'm sure I've blogged about it...and I've told you about how much I LOVE it!), and I've seen "Up" and "The Hangover" and they have been absolutely AMAZING! I am so obsessed with Bradley Cooper right now, especially after seeing "The Hangover" and I can't wait to see it again. I LOVED it! And, Pixar didn't let me down with "Up." It was yet another fantastic movie and it was so so so so so so good!

Blink 182 is going on a tour later this summer/early fall. I've already got tickets. I'm so excited to see this band...finally!!!!

Hanson is going on tour later this year too. They haven't released dates yet, and I'm just hoping and praying that they stop in NC again! I liked not having to leave the state to see them last October :)

I'm still computer-less, and happy that Laura lets me use hers. I'm saving up, and hopefully will be able to get one before school starts....and I CAN'T WAIT FOR SCHOOL TO START!

Oh, and go get the new Dave Matthews Band CD....it is SOOOOO GOOD!!!!

Spiedi = Absolutely Insane

2009-06-17T16:44:00.001-04:00

I know I have said that I would update, and soon I will...I've just been really busy, and trying hard to find time to get everything that I need to get done....well...done. haha.

But I just needed to let you know that this is one of the best interviews I have ever seen. Go Al Roker!

The Not-So-Good-Part of Moving

2009-06-08T13:21:00.001-04:00

I hope I don't move again for a LLLLOOOONNNNNGGGG time! I'm tired of having to contact everyone and their mom for address changes.

It's lame!

I've had to change my address for silly things like the Disney Movie Club, Proactiv, my credit cards, Toyota, my bank, my school, etc. It sucks. But.....I'd rather contact fifty million people to tell them that my address has changed than live with Eric for one more day :)

Yay for new place downtown!

When I have longer than three minutes before I have to leave for work...I'll write more I promise!

Jon and Kate: my thoughts

2009-06-03T05:55:00.000-04:00

The avid followers of this blog know that I have a hard time believing in true love. I'd like to believe that it exists, and that there are very lucky people out there who get to experience true love, however...I think that I have yet to witness it.

And if you really know me well, you also know that I can't stand papparazzi, tabloids, celebrity gossip blogs, etc. I think the papparazzi can be considered stalkers, and should be treated as such. I honestly believe that they are the ones that killed Princess Diana (even though it obviously wasn't their intention), drove Britney Spears into complete insanity, and cause celebs to get really mean. The tabloids are a waste of everyone's time, effort, or money. They portray everyone in really bad ways, are constantly bashing people, and part of the reason why women have issues with their weight. And don't even get me started with those celebrity gossip blogs!

The reason why I bring up these two subjects is because of the recent rumors involving Jon and Kate Gosselin. Everyone I know loves to watch their show on TLC, and has their own favorite "Plus 8" (mine is Aiden). Everyone I know has their favorite episodes (mine is every one where they are in Utah...speaking of which...did you guys see our guy Shea Stickrod skiing with Jon at PCMR on the latest episode?!?!). But what makes me extremely sad, is that Jon, Kate, and their "plus 8" have become such a popular family that they are being stalked by the paparazzi, splattered all over the tabloids, and they are probably even subject to ridicule in celebr-shitty blogs.

Its hard to ignore the rumors and the tabloids, because they are everywhere. You can't go to the grocery store without being exposed to the headlines, or you can watch a morning news show (Today, for example) without hearing about it. Obviously, Jon has gotten himself into some kind of trouble. That story is old news, and I'm so sick of hearing about it. What really frustrates me though is the tabloids about Kate. I love Kate. She isn't perfect, and she says so all the time. If you've ever watched an episode...you know that she says that. She admits to not being perfect all the time. But to blame Jon's recent behavior on Kate is atrocious! If a man cheats on his wife, its because he is taking the easy way out of his problems. If a man (or a woman for that matter) is so unhappy with the relationship with their significant other, why not discuss the problem? Why go out with women (or men) 10 or more years their junior? Does it make the cheater feel better about their relationship with their significant other?

I very strongly believe that Kate is not to blame no matter what the tabloids say about her. I do not believe for one second that she treats Jon badly...she may get frustrated with him, or ask him to do things, but I don't believe she is the raging bitch that these tabloid headlines make her out to be. Amd if she is, its just because she is trying to protect her family.

It is really sad to watch the newest episodes, and see that Jon wasn't around to help plan the little ones' fifth birthday, act like he didn't want to be at the birthday party, and be out of town for Kate's birthday (and let me say that he wasn't out of town for business...it was for his own pleasure). Its sad to see that Jon and Kate don't sit on the couch together anymore to do the show commentary, and when they do, they sit extremely far away from each other and neither one looks as relaxed as they used to. Its sad for me to watch Kate get really emotional when she talks about the family's future, because she says that she doesn't know what's going to happen. I'm not going to lie and tell you that I don't tear up everytime I watch a new episode, because you can see the marriage dwindling down to nothing very quickly, and its depressing. Its really hard to watch a marriage start to fail.

When I have this conversation about people, they almost always make this point to me: "but, they brought the paparazzi, and the fame upon themselves," "they didn't have to do a reality show. They chose to do it," "or "Kate really is mean, and doesn't treat her kids or Jon right.". Yes, Jon and Kate did brought the paparazzi and the fame upon themselves when they chose to do the reality show. However, I'm almost positive that when they thought of doing the reality show, they didn't think they would have paparazzi following their 8 children who are all under the age of 10. No, they didn't HAVE to do the reality show, however, I believe they were extremely smart in doing so. If they didn't do it, they would be struggling financially and those cute little kids wouldn't be able to live the life that they do. And as for Kate being mean, and whatnot...I hate that argument the most. Kate has 8 kids to take care of, a husband that acts like he hates the life he has, and a camera crew following her around all the time. ANYONE would act like she does at times. No one can look me in the eye and be truly honest and say to me that they wouldn't handle things the way Kate does.

I don't really know where I am going with all of this. I just had it on my mind, and had some free time before I went to work and wanted to share my thoughts. I'm rooting for the family. Whatever is best for them, whether it be a divorce, couple's counseling, or the cancellation of their TV show. Whatever it takes to keep that family together is what needs to be done. Good luck to the Gosselins. I'm cheering you on!

Yay for moving "Up"!!!!

2009-05-31T23:40:00.000-04:00

So...today has been a totally awesome day!

First, I went to work and had an okay morning. For some reason, I was really stressed out and frustrated. I couldn't figure out why, but customers seemed to really push my limits. One lady even brought back the latte I made her, telling me it was much too hot (even though I steamed the milk to exactly 160 degrees) and there wasn't enough foam. So basically, she wanted me to make her a luke warm cappucino instead of a regular latte like she ordered. The really crappy thing is that I have been working really hard, and I did everything correctly, its just that the type of customer that was coming in was not the type that goes well with me. Whatever.

After work, I went home and took a very much needed nap. As I was lying in bed, I was listening to an awesome playlist I made on my iPod and I concentrated on my body, and making sure that it relaxed. As I started to fall asleep, I really started to pay attention to my body, and let me tell you this: I have never felt more relaxed and more awesome in my whole life. It sounds really strange, but it felt really good. It was just an experience that I have never really fully paid attention to, and it was awesome :)

After my nap, I packed up my car and took some of my things to my new apartment. I am so excited and the place is just so freaking cute! I really can't wait to get the rest of my stuff all moved in and unpacked. Like I keep saying, I have a really good feeling about this living situation, and I am going to work really hard to make sure that continues to be a good situation :)

After moving, L and I went to go pick up M and go see the new Disney/Pixar movie "Up" in 3D. We met W and C and C's friend at the theater, and hung out in the lobby until the ticket taker let us go into our particular theater. I sat next to W and M, while L sat next to C's friend, and C. You know what? I'm going to go off on a short little tangent and just tell you a litle secret. Everyone at work thinks that W has a little crush on me. I, personally, don't think so because I feel like everytime I am around him, he and I can talk and laugh and joke around. But everyone else that works with him says that he never talks. I can't believe what they say because I've never seen W be quiet. He is always talking when I'm around. But this is what I think about what my coworkers say: I don't care. If W acts differently around me, then I don't care. To be honest, I like the attention, and I like flirting with him. There is absolutely nothing wrong with wanting to flirt with him. Sure, he may be a little awkward at times, but I find him funny and smart, and really fun to be around. Like, today at the theater...I saw a poster for "New Moon" and we had a discussion about the Twilight series. Well, in actuality, we were debating whether or not Edward Cullen is a creeper who commits statutory rape (his side=yes; my side=hell no!) And it was nice to tease him about it, and be teased. I find myself trying to come up with different group activities to invite him to. Like, I want to get a group of coworkers to go bowling...and invite him. It gives me an excuse to ask him to hang out with me and-if he accepts the invitation-it gives me an excuse to see him again.

Anyway, the movie was really good and super cute and everyone should go see it.

Then, L came over to watch the MTV Movie Awards. Let me just tell you...this awards show was a fantastic awards show! Besides the fact that Twilight won everything they were nominated for (what do you expect when you give total control to the fans), it was fantastic. Andy Samburg did a GREAT job as host, Jim Carrey was absolutely hilarious as always ("There wouldn't be a Swine Flu if we took better care of our pigs!"), and Bruno being dropped right on Eminem...which I have a very strong feeling that Eminem was NOT informed about that...PRICELESS. It's a good thing this show was a good one, because the last few awards shows that MTV has done have been so so so shitty :)

Well, I must get some sleep. I'm exhausted!

well?

2009-05-26T18:18:00.003-04:00

So...I'm sitting in my room, watching the new Disney Channel show "Jonas." Haha! Of course, I would be watching this show. It's silly...it's the Jo Bros...and it's totally me. It's not a great show, but it's on. So, why not?

I was walking around downtown last night with Lauren, and we passed a bum on the street. He asked us for money, and I told him I didn't have any, and then we walked on. Then today, at my coffee shop, a bum was sitting outside and asked me for some money as I was walking to my car. I told him I didn't have any, and I walked away. This got me thinking. I try my hardest to be the best person that I can be. I work hard to be nice to everyone, to not judge, to do right...but how does the way I just walked away from those bums (I'm sorry...I guess I should say "homeless people" or "residentially challenged?") fit into doing the right thing, or being nice? I am not lying to them when I say that I don't have any money to give to them. Because I don't. So, what should I do? I feel horrible just brushing them off, and walking away.

10 things

2009-05-22T14:13:00.001-04:00

10 Things I Wanted to say...

Ten things you wish you could say to 10 different people right now (don't list names):
1. I'm calling you in about ten minutes! I promise!
2. I think about you a lot more often than I should
3. I wish you were still away....we talked more then
4. Thank you so much for everything you've done. You've been such a life saver!
5. Stop complaining all the time! You don't know how well you have it!
6. Get a freaking job and stop being so lazy! Leave the house once in a while!
7. I want to see you again before you leave in Dec. Even if it's from a distance
8. I really miss you.
9. Keep on trucking little buddy! At least until I get to see you one last time!
10. Call me when you're here! It would be sooooo good to see you!

Nine things about yourself:
1. I LOVE living in Wilmington
2. I've never really had a boyfriend. That's a really scary thought
3. One Tree Hill is one of my favorite shows ever
4. I'm over my head in debt, and slowly but surely paying it all off
5. I love my job!
6. I need to start packing because I move in a week and a half
7. sometimes, listening to hanson and tyler hilton are the only things that can calm me down
8. I miss Tazz, but I'm pretty sure that soon, he will need to be put down
9. I want to fully believe in God, but I have a hard time doing so

Eight ways to win your heart:
1. MAKE ME LAUGH!
2. being yourself
3. being cute with kids (i love boys who are cute with kids)
4. let me be myself and love me for it
5. talk with me...have a conversation...don't talk at me
6. goof off and be silly
7. have some dreams and ambitions...and work hard to acheive those dreams
8. love music

Seven things that cross your mind a lot:
1. my family
2. Tazz
3. my friends
4. money
5. school
6. music
7. my future

Six things you wish you would have done:
1. nothing
2. i don't wish i would have done anything
3. opened that third credit card
4. maxed out all three credit cards
5. finished what I started at the u of u (although if I did that, I wouldn't be where I am now)
6. gained more self confidence

Five turn offs in a guy/girl:
1. immaturity
2. too self-involved
3. doesn't know what he wants in life
4. liars
5. no job

Four turn-ons in a guy/girl:
1. great sense of humor
2. great back!
3. family values
4. goals and ambitions

Three careers you would consider:
1. special education teacher
2. coffee shop owner
3. tour manager

Two things you want before you die:
1. meet hanson
2. skydive

One confession:
1. I'm afraid my life long dream will never come true

My best friend

2009-05-21T12:58:00.008-04:00

So...as I was prowling around facebook a little earlier, I saw that Julianna had changed her profile picture. She does this often, and I love to see what she likes to chose for herself. The ones I like the best (of course) are the ones with her AND I in them, but the one she has now is her and a guitar. Anyway, that's not the point...as I was looking at her page, and other pictures of her...I realized that I really miss her. I mean REALLY miss her. She and I have been the bestest friends for SO LONG and without her (or her family) I don't know where I would be today. I don't think that I would be the same person that I am now, that's for sure.

I miss hanging out with her all day, doing nothing, really. We would hang out in her room and listen to music, or play NSYNC: Backstage Pass game (and fight over who knew more NSYNC trivia). We would play basketball in her backyard, go on walks, play baseball, sell lemonade, and just be totally awesome.

I miss spending the night at her house every weekend, because sleeping at her house was always more fun than sleeping at mine. We would watch Clueless over and over again! Or the 'pirated' version of Titanic. We would play Flashlight tag with her brothers and neighbors, and it would scare me (hey...as a kid, I was afraid of A LOT of things).

I just miss having her around. That's the crappy part about getting older, and growing apart. We can't be together all the time anymore :/

Most of it is my fault. 100% of it actually, because I am the one that chose to move to North Carolina.

But she knows I love her, and she knows I miss her sooooo much!

I can't wait to see her again! She is the best person I know!

10 months in Wilmington!

2009-05-19T21:07:00.004-04:00

My friend, Erin, is moving to Arizona in a few days. It's really sad to me because she was one of my very first friends I made in Wilmington. We hung out the other day, and we had so much fun! We went to the beach and goofed off (and took pictures. I can't wait to see them!). We also sit and joke, and car dance, and have an amazing time! I'm really going to miss this girl when she leaves. We've had some totally awesome times together. Although I am going to miss her, I am excited for her to go to AZ. Only because I know that this is what she wants, and this is the best choice for her right now. She believes that going back home to Arizona will help her get her life in order, and maybe she will get somewhere. I believe it too. I've been in her position, about a year go to be exact, in my choice to move to North Carolina. I support her 100% because me, of all people, knows exactly how important the support of your friends are when making decisions like these. :)

While I was at work today, I got this weird feeling. This feeling said to me "Brandy! You are in NORTH CAROLINA! You are doing VERY WELL! You are thriving, and surviving, and making a life for yourself out here! You are on track for graduation! You are going to be teaching in 2 years!" It is so weird to me to think about how I live here now. You would think that I would be used to this because I've been here for 10 months, but there are times, like today, when randomly the thought that I live here takes me over and I feel at peace with everything. I finally feel like I am accomplishing something, because I am on the right track to graduation, and I can say that I will be wearing that graduation robe in May 2011. You know how great that feels? To FINALLY know that I will be graduating...instead of it just being a dream of mine. It's a dream that is coming true!
And as for me making a life for myself out here...I have a wonderful job that is so great! I love everyone that I work with, and I enjoy the job. There really is never a day in which I HATE my job (except that one day I had to work with Ryan, but he doesn't work there anymore, so it's okay). The job doesn't pay too well, but as long as my bills are being paid, and I have enough money to eat at the end of the month, it really doesn't matter to me. Sure, there are times in which I stress out because of finances, but in all reality...I don't REALLY have a reason to stress so much. I always figure something out.
I have a best friend who is the best person I could ever ask for. I talk about her all the time, and that is only because if it weren't for her, I don't know how I would have survived here in Wilmington. She is a gift from God, and she is so amazingly awesome!
I have a new apartment lined up in the heart of downtown Wilmington, and it's a house, with a porch, and a super cute backyard.
I have worked hard to get where I am. I have worked hard to stay where I am. And I am proud of myself.

And with that being said....I leave with you this picture.

Just a little one...to catch you up

2009-05-17T21:10:00.002-04:00

WOW! I feel like I have SO MUCH to talk about!

First things first, I have found a new apartment. I'm signing the lease next Saturday, and I'm moving in on the 1st of June! Whoo-hoo!!! It's right in downtown Wilmington, and it's right next door to Lauren. Which is awesome! It's going to be like living with her, but only better because I won't actually be living with her! AND I'll be in a more comfortable environment so I will be able to walk around in more comfy clothes, and use the kitchen without feeling as if I am intruding on someone else's space. I'll be living with this totally awesome girl named Laura, and her two dogs. I have a really good feeling about all of this, and I think this move will help me enjoy Wilmington even that much more than I already do :)

---School is officially over, and I have found myself a little lost. I don't know what to do with all of my extra time! Next week, my work hours will pick up, so that will be nice. I've begun to feel like a bum who is just wasting time, and waiting until Lauren gets off work so we can hang out. You know, I can't wait to move into my new apartment so I can start feeding her. Haha! There have been countless nights where she has made me dinner, and I can't wait to return that to her. I can't wait to learn how to cook things, so then I can make dinners for her. She is so awesome for always feeding me, but it's about time that I start doing the same for her. :) Whoa. That was a completely random tangent. ANYWAY, Back to talking about school. I got all of my grades in: Philosophy of Human Nature = B
Intro to Communications = B
Ed Psych = A
Intro to Lit = B
Child Abuse and Neglect = B
Those grades mean that I am now officially in the Watson School of Education at UNCW, and I will really truly be working toward my degree!!!!!! *sigh* I feel as though I'm actually getting somewhere, you know? I've been at a standstill for what seems like 5 years or so. I dunno. But, now I'm moving forward, and a part of me can't WAIT for the fall semester to begin just so I can be done faster!

However, I don't really want school to start. I'm enjoying this summer so far. these last two weeks have been AMAZING! (Maybe that's because I've had the apartment all to myself....)

I WAS supposed to see NKOTB in Raleigh on June 3rd, BUT for some weird reason..the show was cancelled. Most of the shows they had in the South were cancelled. Which sucks. They said they were going to try their hardest to reschedule, but everyone was refunded their money....so I doubt a reschedule is going to happen anytime soon. So, I'm concertless until October when BLINK 182 makes their way to this great state. I'm going to have to drive 4 hours to go see them, but guess what? IT'S GOING TO BE AWESOME! I'm stoked!!!!

With much more time on my hands, I've been listening to music more often. Which feels soooooo good! I've missed my music! I've been able to put the trusty ol' iPod on shuffle, and sit and listen to music for hours just taking it all in. I've listened to bands that I haven't listened to in MONTHS and it feels good to hear those songs again. I'm trying to disconnect some old memories I have with certain songs...which is a reason why I have been avoiding these bands. I hate it when I do that. When I have so many memories that is associated with a certain song, or band, and then something happens that makes those memories bad (or memories that you don't want to have anymore) and then you stop listening to the song or band in fear that the memory will bring back old feelings? Or new feelings? So, I'm in the process of disconnecting these memories with these songs/bands. Because I deserve to listen to these bands, dammit! I'm not going to let anything stop me!

Speaking of music, this is going to be the summer of new releases thats for sure! Green Day and All American Rejects have already released their new albums (which I am in the process of obtaining....with getting a new apartment I've had to hold off on music purchases), but Mandy Moore, Tyler Hilton, Cobra Starship, Blink 182, and many others are releasing brand new music soon! YAY! I love new music!

Let's see....Work is going well. I think. I will get my review in a couple of days. I am excited about that because I will get to see where I'm doing well, and where I need to improve. And then I will get to see if I will hopefully get a raise. Even though, in all reality...the raise will be obsolete in a few months because they are raising NC's minimum wage to $7.25. Is the MW being raised in all states, or just NC? Is it a federal minimum?? I'm not sure how that all works.

As I venture out and explore the greatness of this city, Lauren and I are finding plenty of rip offs. haha. We went on a Historical Wilmington Ghost Walk, hoping to get some scares, and to learn some really awesome Wilmington ghost stories. Let me tell you this: I have since then thought of 1,000,000 better ways to spend my $10. Haha. It SUCKED! The stories weren't scary, I doubt they were real, and one was even stolen out of the book "Gangs of New York." Our tour guide was drunk, slurred his words, and tried his hardest to make us all scared, but had no success. And then, the other people that were on our tour were just as lame. You should have been there. We made it fun by taking pictures, and laughing as we walked. Oh, the fun Lauren and I have!

Another rip off, was the production of Big: The Musical. Yes, that's right. I said "BIG: THE MUSICAL" based off of the Tom Hanks movie, "Big" in which a 12 year old boy wishes to be a grown up and his wish is granted. We went to go see this play put on at the historic Thalian Hall (which was built in the early 1800s), by the Wilmington Community Theater. We figured that we like the movie, so the musical couldn't be that bad. Oh no. It was HORRIBLE! The best part about it was that we are now able to have NUMEROUS laughs about it. Seriously, the actors in the play weren't that bad...it was just the play. It is horribly written, and it seems like songs are placed in the worst spots possible just because the writers thought that they needed another song. Good times. Good times. We look forward to other productions to sit through and make fun of. (let's be serious for a second...the guy that played grown-up Josh Baskin....he was very well built, very good looking, and had himself a nice package that he had a hard time keeping discreet while wearing only underwear on stage). Another really good part: the floor piano scene. Best scene in the play (just as it is in the movie).

Miss Lauren and I have finished "One Tree Hill" (until the 6 season is released on DVD), and thought we were going to be lost. What else were we supposed to do on Sundays????? We were so used to watching 6 full hours of OTH! However, we did not get lost...we've found a replacement:

If you have never seen an episode of Gossip Girl, then sir, you are missing out! When this show first came out (and let's face it...until very recently) I thought this show was very stupid, and not for me. Boy, was I WRONG! I think I am going to agree with a lot of the critics on this one and say that this show is one of the best scripted shows I have ever seen. It's very well written, and the relationships and such that these Upper East Side teens go through is so awesome! Haha! I am totally in love with the character Dan (played by Penn Badgley -- who also played 'the other Tucker' in "John Tucker Must Die"), because he is just awesome. And he and Serena (Blake Lively) are so cute! But, Lauren and I are only halfway through season one, so please...if you have seen it, and know about what is going on, or what is going to happen...keep it on the downlow. I don't want it to be spoiled for me.

hmmm....interesting fact for the day: I was in a rush today, and needed to shave my legs. I didn't water them down, OR put soap or shaving cream on them...and as a result I think I have razor burn. It is all red, looks like a rash, and it itches like hell. I've learned my lesson. Never shave dry, naked legs. ALWAYS water them and then lather them up before making contact with a razor!

I think that is all I have to say for now. I've got much more to blog about, however I've been up since 4:45 AM (I had to open my store this morning) and since it is 10:33 PM, I'm exhausted. My eyes are telling me to shut them, and my body is starting to shut down.

Have a good night, my friends. I love you all!

XOXO

P.S. this part made me pee my pants! HAHAHAHA!

2009-05-12T01:28:00.001-04:00

Justin Timberlake = Best SNL Host?

2009-05-12T00:53:00.002-04:00

I'll say this: In my opinion, Justin Timberlake is the best SNL host of all time. Everytime he is on the show, he is a riot! He is so incredibly funny and his skits are always fantastic! This past Saturday's show with him was so funny! Motherlovers, Plasticville, and the Immigration guy was HILARIOUS! I think the only time I have ever enjoyed a full episode of SNL like that was "The Best of Christopher Walken."

In my book, Justin Timbo is the best they've come across in years. Here are a sample of my favorite skits from this past weekend:

Crazy Cool Medallions!!!!

I'm gonna be the syrup, she can be my waffle!

What about you Corneilious Timberlake????

Is it really too much to ask?

2009-05-08T22:59:00.002-04:00

All a girl wants is someone to sweep her off her feet.

Someone to love her, and to hug her, and to give her little kisses.

Someone that is easy to talk to, to laugh with, to joke around and be silly with.

Someone to share intimate conversations with, everyday conversations with, or even outlandish, absolutely insane conversations with.

Someone to watch movies, listen to music, eat dinner with her.

Why is it so hard to find? Why am I having a hard time finding anyone that I want to share any kind of moment with? I have yet to meet someone that I want to be close to, and to hug, and give me little kisses.

I know I'm young, but I think this time I really am going to give up. I just don't think that having a significant other of any kind is in the cards for me.

New Kids <3

2009-05-08T09:27:00.002-04:00

We all know how much I love these five men. I've loved them since before I can remember, and I've been listening to them for almost as long as I have listened to the Beatles (which we all know...has been my whole life).

Today, my five favorite middle-aged men in the music industry performed on the Today Show in New York City. So far, they have sang "Hangin' Tough" and my favorite "Dirty Dancing" (they still have at least one more to perform), and they have announced some totally awesome news :)

They have just announced that Jesse McCartney is confirmed to open up for them on their Full Service tour this summer! WHAT?!?!?! I'm soooooo excited!!!!!!!!!! I've seen Jesse live before, and he is sooooo good! Now I get to see Jesse AND New Kids on the same stage! On the same night?!?!?!?!

AND the America's Best Dance Crew winner Jabbawokeez will also be joining NKOTB on the tour!

This is sizing up to be one of the best shows I have ever seen (and I haven't even seen it yet!). I'm so excited!!!! I honestly can't wait until June 4th!

Living with Carolyn, Hanging out with Colby & Isaac

2009-05-07T12:01:00.002-04:00

I was listening to my iPod on shuffle last night, and the song "Irreplaceable" by Beyonce and it got me thinking.

A couple of year ago I lived in Incline Terrace with Carolyn. Although there were sometimes when living in that apartment when I absolutely hated it, there were more good times than bad. When I think back about living there, a smile forms on my face. It's great to think about the various parties we would have with the ATO boys and the ROTC guys. I remember Smack Fest Wednesdays, and having nights when it was just Carolyn and I hanging out at home (that was rare, but I loved it when it happened).

But the memories that I have the most of was hanging out with Colby and Isaac. These two guys lived right next door to Carolyn and I, and at first...we didn't know them. In an effort to try to get to know them, Carolyn and I baked cookies and browines for them, and left them on their doorstep. It was really fun! It was nice to surprise the boys with baked goods (you know what they say...a way to a man's heart is through his stomach!). Well, the last time we made brownies for them and left them on their door step, we had decided to keep watch through our peep hole and when they answered their door, they telled out "Thank you!" and then we answered the door and invited them over. I remember this day like it was yesterday. Sitting in our living room with Colby and Isaac. Colby was so shy! After that, I became pretty good friends with them. I really enjoyed hanging out with them. Especially Colby. He was realy fun to hang out with, and to talk to. Isaac was awesome too! I loved hanging out with him too! He was so cute and so easy to talk to! Haha! OMG...I totally forgot about this until just now....there was a time when Colby needed to get a project done, and he had Isaac and I help him. Isaac and I basically put the damn thing together. Oh man...those boys were a lot of fun.

Awwww! I kinda really miss these days. When Colby and Isaac still lived together, and when Carolyn and I used to live together and that whole year of school. Oh man...looking back at it, it was probably one of the best years of my life.

But, I can't keep looking back on the past, and thinking about friends that I used to have, and friends that I still have yet our lives have taken us in two very different directions. I need to start thinking more about the present and the future. :)

Friday morning rants

2009-05-01T11:07:00.003-04:00

I'm sitting in the library waiting for a classmate of mine to show up so we can start to study for our Communications final. Not much is going on...I'm just bored.

So....We have found some more financial aid for me so I get to stay in Wilmington without worrying TOO MUCH about money. I'll still have to worry about it, of course, but not as much as I have been. I don't know how people live their whole lives paycheck to paycheck like I am. I've been doing it ever since after high school, but these last 9 months have been brutal because of the enormous paycut I took when moving out here. I'm telling you, it sure is a hard lesson to learn, but I know it is all going to pay out in the end. Now, I'm just stressed about getting that extra financial aid before the semester is technically over, which is the 8th.

Speaking of the 8th. Everyone watch the Today Show that morning, okay? NKOTB is going to be performing, and it will be awesome! I wish I could go up to New York to see them, but I'll just have to wait until June when I see them in Raleigh.

I had a scare about my finals yesterday. I got an email from my teacher through my BlackBerry and she had said that all of our final grades were in. Well, I hadn't taken the online final test yet, and I started freaking out because I thought that maybe I had missed the deadline. Thankfully, I hadn't. She just meant that everything,BUT our final test has been graded, and up on the website so we can check it.

Let me tell you...Tuesday is just not coming fast enough. :)

Well, I better get some studying done. I want to take that online test before this afternoon. That way, it's one less thing to worry about.

Have a great Friday!

2009-04-29T12:13:00.000-04:00

I know that I have bitched about this semester so much, that even I am tired of hearing about it, but gosh darn it! I'm going to do it again. I'm now sitting at the bus stop. I just got done taking my Philosophy of Human Nature final, and I'm about ready to burst into tears. I studied like a mad woman for this test, and I worked so hard on my final paper, yet I do not feel confident about them. As I was filling out my test, I felt like I was bullshitting everything and that I knew nothing. I even had to bullshit my answer to the question "What did you learn this semester that gives you a better understanding of human nature?" I couldn't think of an answer! Why? Because I didn't learn anything!

I have never not cared for my classes as much as I do for this semester. I do not care about the philosophy of human nature, or about different communication styles, or poetry, yet I need to care about them so I can get into the Watson School of Education and so I can take the classes I do care for. The classes this semester have been so hard for me to finish...my lack of desire to learn about these subjects have actually inhibited me from learning anything. I studied for so long for this philosophy test and I didn't retain a thing.

I hate college. I hate tests. I hate all of it. Now excuse me while I curl up in a ball and cry because I'm sure I failed which means goodbye special ed classes in the fall.

2009-04-28T19:26:00.000-04:00

I'm watching Wheel Of Fortune right now, taking a break from writing a paper, and getting ready to make Lauren and I some spaghetti for dinner tonight. ANYWAY the lady that is the contestant on tonight's show was so good! I want to be as good as her! Maybe if I watch the show more often, I'll get to be as good at figuring out those word clues as she was. Now I'm excited to watch Jeopardy!

Here is something that I just thought about...I really have a hard time relaxing. Although I'm sure a huge part of that is the fact that I have 5 tests coming up, and I'm not done with a paper that is due on thursday. Having all of that in the back of my mind doesn't help the not-relaxing thing I'm going through.

Okay...that didn't make sense. I'm going to log off now. Jeopardy is too distracting.

finals, finals go away!

2009-04-22T09:06:00.000-04:00

What a stressful week and it's only Wednesday!!! Finals are approaching so quickly! I feel like I don't have time to breathe! the worst part is that the weather is warm, sunny, and beautiful all week, and I know that I'm only going to want to be outside instead of doing the things that really need to be done. If only the parks here had wireless internet! That way I could do my work outside!

Although I'm stressed out to the max with finals, I feel like I have it all under control. I mean, it definitely could be worse. Things could be like yesterday for example. I walked into my Child Abuse and Neglect class and the teacher says "alright class, turn in your papers if you couldn't submit them on blackboard." I started freaking out! What paper was she talking about?! I know I missed 2 of these classes due to my awesomely awesome trip to Utah (yes, I did just use awesome twice in a row...that's how epic my trip home was) but I had checked the class website and the syllabus and there was no mention of a paper at all! So, I leaned over to my neighbor and asked her what the teacher was talking about. She said they had watched a video and were supposed to write a 4-6 page paper on the video, and that it wasn't due until midnight so I still had time to write it. Thank goodness this teacher films all of her classes and so I was able to watch the video and write the paper. I just felt so stupid. How could I not know about a paper?! A big one at that!
But no worries! I know about everything else that is coming up and I expect to pass all my classes with Bs or better. Yay!

Let's see...I don't think too much else is going on around here. Eric will be going on a 2 week camping trip in May, so I will have the apartment to myself! I'm so excited! I can actually get myself into the kitchen again! I'm hoping to be able to finally cook the cube steaks I bought about 2 weeks ago! I need to get the recipe from mom first. Oh well, it gives me an excuse to call home :)

I want to go to FL...mostly to hang out with Chip

2009-04-19T21:37:00.002-04:00

-The rest of my time in Utah was amazing. I got to see most of the people I wanted to see, some I didn't expect to see, and I also met new ones! Isn't that great?

-Britney Spears was awesome!!!!!! Although...I won't lie to you........she was better 8 years ago. I saw her in 2001, and she was ABSOLUTELY FANTASTIC back then, and I had very very high standards for this one. Maybe my expectations were too high, but it was still a good show!

-Now I'm back in good ol' Wilmington. It's nice to be back, and working again. I like making money more than I like spending it!

-School is over in about 2 weeks. Thank the LORD!!!! I'm so TIRED of this semester and I'm so tired of doing schoolwork. I can't wait to be done so I can get into a new apartment!

-Lauren and I have been working out more, and we have decided to control out eating portions. We eat too much sometimes, and we've got to stop :) So, slowly we are getting there. Sometimes, it's hard to pass up some really great food! I'm also trying to get my fat butt in the gym more often. I've gained weight since I moved here....and now it's time to start shaving that weight off.

-I was reading my uncle's blog today (mostly looking at the title to each entry, and his pictures...I don't REALLY read it...mostly because I feel like I'm intruding or something) and I saw that he had posted a picture of him with his dad (my step-grandpa). Although he is my "step-grandpa"...he was always a grandfather to me. And to be 150% honest...he was my favorite. He died four years ago (this month is the anniversary) because emphasima (is that how you spell it?) took him away from us. I didn't get to see him the last few years of his life because my family was never able to afford a plane ticket to Florida (that's where he lived). When he still lived in Indiana, my little sister and I would LOVE to go over to his house and play with him. He would let us ride on his lawn mower with him, and he would tease us and call us "whimps." I'm telling you, he was the best. We may not have ever been able to spend much time with him, but when we did...we loved every second. I love Grandpa Phil, and I miss him terribly.
My uncle wrote that he wishes that he could ask his dad how he is doing, and what he should do next. Chip also said that he wonders if Grandpa is watching down on him, and if Grandpa is proud. I know he is looking after my favorite Uncle Chip, and I know that he is proud of Chip. Because I am. I don't know much about my uncle anymore--hell, I don't think I ever have known TOO much about him--but I have always wanted to know more. He is one of the most fun persons to be around. I'll never forget hanging out with him when we were younger and he would chase our feet with the video camera (man, we loved that game). I'll never forget dragging him to DisneyWorld about three years ago (he wanted to go somewhere else, and I wouldn't let him). I think that was the best day ever. Hanging out with my Uncle Chip.

I love Grandpa Phil and I miss him dearly.

And I also love my Uncle Phil. I also miss him dearly (but I have the chance to see him again...he is still with us *Whew!*)

Okay...calling him Uncle Phil was weird. I've called him Chip my whole life, and I think that I always will....sorry Chip!

INSPIRATION!!!

2009-04-17T12:49:00.001-04:00

I am absolutely in love with this woman, and the way she stuns Simon and makes him fall in love with her. Beautiful! I LOVE HER!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=luRmM1J1sfg

sitting in my seat...

2009-04-14T21:07:00.000-04:00

I still can't get over how cool my new blackberry is! Julianna and I are sitting in our totally awesome seats at the Britney Spears concert and I'm blogging!! How freaking sweet is this!

We are totally excited for this awesome show! As we were walking to the Energy Solutions Arena from our car--my mom's car-- we were discussing the last time we saw Britney live. It was 8 years ago!! During the tour right after the release of her album , "Britney." That show was the shit, and I have a feeling that this show will be even better!

Go Team Britney!!!

using my blackberry

2009-04-13T21:28:00.000-04:00

So, the Park City mentality has taken me over while I'm here. My phone was eligible for an upgrade in December. I didn't want to get a new phone because I was so happy with the one I had. But since I've been in PC I've noticed everyone has such an awesome phone and I didn't :'( So, I caved, spent the money I have been saving for awhile, and upgraded my phone to a blackberry. And let me tell you, I absolutely love this thing!

Now, if only I could figure out how to use it!